I'm sick :-(

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How cute is that kitteh? He looks exactly like the cute little 7 month stray that found his way to my door earlier this week. As much as I loved that cute little nugget (and that's what I named him), I had to take him to the animal shelter after the third day. I'm allergic to most furry animals and with me being sick, Nugget aggravated an already aggravating situation. I miss his cute little self though. Here are a few pictures of Nugget, my Sun, myself and my BFF...

The little nugget

How cute is he? The little rascal was very high energy and loved to run and pounce on EVERYTHING. He was also very affectionate, he loved to jump up into my lap and have me pet him. He had this vibrating purr that reminded me of race car engines, lol.

Here's Nugget bonding with my Sun, me and my BFF. He loved my BFF the best, lol.

I really miss the little nugget but I don't miss the itchy nose, eyes and tons of cat fur floating around. I'm sure someone will adopt him and love him as much (if not more) than I did. but other than that...

I caught a really bad upper respiratory infection from my Sun and daughter last week and I have been so out of commission it's sad. I don't get sick often but when I do, it's usually really bad...and what I'm dealing with is pretty damn bad. As a result of this, I haven't felt like doing much of anything other than drinking lots of hot tea, eating tons of chicken noodle soup and trying to rest. Despite all my efforts though (and plenty of home remedies) I don't seem to be getting better. My next step is to go to a doctor (I hate western medicine) and accept the bottle of antibiotics I know they're going to prescribe. This will no doubt cause additional problems (hello yeast infection, ugh!).

Before I got sick, I filmed a video about an issue that's been weighing heavy on my heart for a while. Check it out...

This video doesn't even begin to scratch the surface about body image, self-esteem, healthy vs. unhealthy habits, etc. but, it's a start. Conversations need to be had, especially with teen girls, about how to maintain their health and self-esteem. Just like there's a natural hair movement picking up steam and empowering women, there should be a movement to empower women and girls to accept/love themselves and respect their journeys. Let's encourage one another starting today!

16 of 30

Deadlines are dead but the poetry lives on...


Divorced

Fuck jesus
I wept
Shed blood and tears to make the unworkable work
I put in work
Worked my fingers to the bloody bone
Ground my shoulders against the boulders until my heart felt like stone
A marriage of misery and deceit
You trod upon my loyalty with glad feet
Me pregnant with our possibilities harboring hostility because of your infidelity
I sang sweet melodies to our child in utero hoping my tear stained voice would help her to grow
Grow into the woman I was not at that time
I whined, begged, pleaded to be needed by you
Cooked your food, ironed your clothes and fucked you too
Not enough, not good enough, I took enough of your shit to start a swine farm
When you grabbed, shook and pushed my autonomic nervous system rang an alarm
Time to go
Pack and don't look back
Take the babies and flee
And life became real
I faced it with zeal
Free of of the enslavement I traded my maiden name for
Closed the door on the poor girl who knew not womanhood
I stood on my own, made a home for me and my seeds
Free of you and your misdeeds
And now I am triumphant
I weep no more

15 of 30

Though I am well past the deadline...still, I keep...going...

Familial

This forever type love that moves through me

From me

To and through you

Beyond us

Somewhere

Up high

On high

Higher than high

Borne of blood

Bone

Tears

Struggle

We gave birth to it

With whispers and screams
Soul to soul
From spirit

From synapses to testes, tongue to womb

Woven on the loom of our ancestors

Brought to fruition in the valley of perdition

But with hope of a new day

Beyond scorched earth

Bittersweet fruit, plump with the juice of perpetuum

Seeded in Elysium

This love

From them to us and back again

We swam through time

Time and time again

Against time

Attempting to take back what was taken

This forever type love

Unshaken

Unshakable

Unbroken

Enduring

From me

To and through you

Beyond us

In our daughter's eyes

And she sees the forever type love

In you

And me

14 of 30

Though I missed the deadline I'm still trucking on...


 Heart of Mercy


I stared into the depths and there saw my self
My reflection infinity
Hypnotized by my burgeoning divinity
Blessed with an affinity for loving the broken and battered
It never mattered that they left me shattered once I healed them and set them free
For me, the act of restoring is an expression of the god I see in them, those and thee
Though low I sink so much higher shall I soar
Wealth of spirit moving within me, heart of mercy adored
And again, I stared into the depths and there saw my self
Unfathomable

12 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my eleventh offering...

Valid

No, I'm not sorry.

I feel what I feel. It's real.

I won't be dismissed.

8 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my eighth offering...



Mood Swing


Occular condensation threatening to fall
Stinging the rim, ruining the kohl liner
Fingers tremble
Phrases dance dizzily along the synapses
Firing
Misfiring
Misaligned
Malignant emotions pouring forth from her subtle spirit
Deeper than oceans
Same sad song sung by pouting ruby lips
Tipping hats to cats that feel most comfortable on hot tin roofs
She's proof that loyalty goes unrewarded
Lavender happy-go-lucky to moody blue could have been avoided
Joy skipped away hand-in-hand with peace and now...
Dis-ease runs amuck
What the fuck?
Switch it up


There will be no more raining on this here parade
Take your tired, wish I wish I wish making ass to those who like playing charades
I'm made of something you can't even handle
I'm a solar storm and you're a fucking candle
Your wick is burning out and so is my patience
Do better or be gone
I'm done

I apologize (Originally posted on 11-14-05)

I apologize for mistreating you and being inconsiderate of your feelings. I apologize for not listening to you and going against your advice when I knew you were right. I apologize for knowing your worth but ignoring it. I apologize for putting you through unnecessary bullshit time and time again. I apologize for making you cry. I apologize for isolating you when what you really needed was the comfort of others. I apologize for disrespecting you repeatedly. I apologize for ridiculing you. I apologize for trying to destroy your spirit. I apologize for not honoring you. I apologize for being impatient. I apologize Nicole, for not loving you as much as you need, as hard as you need, as deep as you need as often as you need. I apologize Nicole, for allowing others to mistreat you, defeat you, use you, make a fool of you. I apologize Nicole, for not saying what needed to be said when it needed to be said. I apologize for not doing what needed to be done when it needed doing. I apologize for it all and I promise you that from here on out...things will be different. I love you Nicole.

Sometimes in order to move on, in order to facilitate healing, in order to forgive ourselves....we need to apologize to ourselves. We need to remember to love and honor ourselves. We need to recognize the divine in ourselves. We need to fall in love with ourselves at the crack of each dawn and love ourselves well past dusk. We need to recognize our own worth and never forget it. Love yourself today. Love yourself every day like that day is going to be the last day.

He gave me the shirt off his back...literally (Originally posted 8-19-05)

He showed up a few hours late and I was pissed. Our time was already short, but because of his tardiness, it was shorter still. My anger partially melted when I opened the door and saw him standing before me with unease knotting his shoulders and sadness etched into his face. He apologized over and over and over again. I played tough cookie and was mildly disinterested in his apologies or sorrow. I was callous but cordial when I invited him in...I wanted him to feel guilty as sin, but secretly, I was so happy to see him. I haven't seen him in almost a month I think. We stood facing each other. Me: stoically silent; him: fidgety and mournful. Since the only air conditioned room in my house is my bedroom, and since the rest of the house is 30 degrees hotter than satan's ass canal, I invited him to the boudoir.

We entered and again stood facing each other. He continued to apologize and took my hands in his, softly caressing my skin. At one point his voice broke and then the tough cookie crumbled. I hemmed and hawed as long as I could, I swear I did! I made him sweat a bit, but shamefully, I didn't last long. I smiled and told him I would forgive him...if he would forgive and forget my past transgressions. He didn't want to...but he did. With all that past we finally embraced.

Ohhhh it was sooo good, so right, so much better than nice...it was perfect. I put my ear to his chest and focused on the rhythm of his heart. At that moment it was beating for me. He held me forever...or so it seemed. Tired of standing, he led me to the bed and sat me on his lap. He hugged me so deep my breath stopped. He touched my lips with his, whispered apologies in my ear and continued to ask my forgiveness. I cannot refuse him. In that moment, I would have given him my spare kidney if he'd asked for it. Then we lay together on the bed and kissed, whispered and enjoyed what little time we had left before he had to go to the airport. I apologized for my past selfish and distant behavior and he forgave me. I nuzzled his neck in an attempt to inhale and forever capture his scent. Not satisfied, I asked if he would give me the shirt off of his back...and he commenced to removing his shirts. He offered both but I only took one...the undershirt; because it was closer to his skin. I inhaled deeply the scent of him. I love the way he smells. He smells like the middle of Spring, the first day of summer, soft June breezes, thunderstorms, the birds singing at dawn, that first spoonful of strawberry sorbet, the laughter of children, the waves lapping at the shore, my favorite jeans, freshly mown grass, the leaves changing colors in Autumn, the first time I recited a poem before a large crowd....he smells like all my many favorite things wrapped up in one aroma. I want to wake up to his scent, fall asleep to his scent, dream about his scent, wrap his scent around my shoulders-breathe-soul deep and never ever lose his scent.


He is getting to me, and I didn't think I could get got again. His smile melts me. He looks so innocent. But he ain't. He's a Scorpio. He studies Tantra and the Kama Sutra. He studies me too. Intently...so intently it makes me fidget and inquire about his thoughts. His answer varies but he usually says something like..."I'm thinking about how wonderful you are", "I'm thinking about how soft your skin is", "I'm thinking about how beautiful you are", etc. But I digress, I kissed his exposed flesh and paid reverence to his imperfect perfection. I was rewarded by his sharp intake of breath and his beautiful voice murmuring my name. He made it sound like a prayer. I enjoy our intimacy without sex. I love our mind sex. I cannot stop thinking about him. He makes me grin big foolish grins. He makes me want to skip and hum nonsense ditties. I feel like a school girl with her first crush, *giggles*

All too soon he had to leave. I missed him before we made it to the front door. I told him so and he didn't want to leave. He didn't leave...right away anyway. He was over a half hour late getting to the airport. After he finally left he called me from the car and we talked as he drove. He promised that we would see each other on Monday. That's an eternity away...but I can make it. He called me several times; his voice gentle each time. I told him he makes me want to be a good girl...as in discontinuing my playgirl ways. He told me there was a time when he thought I cared nothing for him, he thought he was just one of many...lowest man on the totem pole at that. I told him he was my number one draft pick...he didn't find that funny. I confided that I did care for him, deeply in fact. I told him that's one thing he'll never have to question. He caught me off guard when he asked what he should question then. I had to think for a moment. Should he question me? Do I want him to question me? Why would he question me? I emphatically answered that there is nothing in me he should question. He replied, "good". Our conversation ended when he reached the airport to retrieve his cousin. Yes, he was over a half hour late picking his cousin up. But he said it was worth it to spend time with me. I felt bad for his cousin but cheered for me. He called me a little while later to tell me he and his cousin were going to go out on the town and that he would talk to me again soon. Soon won't come soon enough. They're driving to Detroit in a few hours and I won't see him again until Monday. So tonight I will sleep in his shirt remembering how his skin felt against my lips, remembering the cadence of his voice as we conversed...inhaling deeply his scent that smells of all my many favorite things. He gave me the shirt off his back...next I'll ask for his heart.

Even her tears cry (Originally posted 8-1-05)

Bittersweet salty confections

Conceived, nurtured and born in the face of a beautiful monster

Frightening creature is she; done in by self-imposed limitations and her own perceived inadequacies

She breathes tragedies, her pores expel the stench of her own personal hell

Wrists bearing the marks of her desperation

She feels she's failed and cannot forgive her own transgressions

She thinks she's exhibiting discretion by isolating herself, so afraid that the crowd will guess her secrets

She hides the pain behind plastic smiles and artificial giggles

But even her laughter hides tears that cry

She's so convinced by her own lies that truth could bite her and she'd not feel the sting

Her fingers curl in upon themselves as she mutters silent prayers to deities unknown to her

She wants to save her own life but can't decide if the fight is worth the reward

False pride and counterfeit self-esteem are her banners

All this because he lived and died on the same day

His tears cried too



**********************************************************

This piece was inspired by a woman I love more than life itself. I so wish I could take away her pain, her desire to self-destruct. When I was young I wanted to be just like her. Hell I wanted to be her. I thought she was prettier, smarter, better than me. But she is just a woman. Just an average woman with an average woman's fears, nightmares and insecurities. She lost something precious and it drove her to the edge. So now she stands with her toes clutching the rim of a great precipice, arms out, ready to fling herself into the abyss. I want to save her but I don't know how. I want to love her but she won't let me. I wish she would love herself a little more but I don't think she knows how. My tears cry too. For her and my lost nephew.

Random Mental Ejaculate (Originally posted 7-9-05)

(Another piece composed for "O". Also recited at several open mics)
(By the way, that's "O" up there. Nice right?)




It's 8:56 P.M. and tonight is a night for random thoughts. I am thinking of Him. His voice....damn, I feel it touching me. Stroking me with almost fluid smoothness. It caresses the woman I am and the woman I wish to become. I want Him...all of Him. Not just His dick, but all of Him. I want His mind, spirit, emotions, regrets, fears, dreams, even His children's children. I want His body like I want my soul to be free. I want all He is and was...I want everything He ever will be. He is made up of things I wanted, received then cast away. He is made up of the past, present and future. Now that I am becoming what I am meant to be I can appreciate all that He is and will be. I have to be blatantly honest......I want to fuck Him mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. I want to get so deep inside of Him that we won't be able to tell where He ends and I begin. I want Him to do the same. I want Him hilt deep inside of me, exploring every crack, crease, crevice and corner of my being. I want to build something with Him. I want to plant seeds with Him and just sit back and watch them grow. I want Him to want me like I want Him. I want to breathe Him in and out 24-7-365. I want to share my world with Him. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Him or give to Him. When I think of Him clichés come to mind, shit like....He's so fly if I jumped off a 20 story building He could catch me in mid-air. And He's gonna have to catch me because I'm falling...for Him. My thoughts have been taken hostage by His presence and my mental meanderings begin and end with He and I becoming us. He is incredible; unforgettable...sonnets should be composed and dedicated to the rich blackness of His skin and hair. He is as close to perfection as I can imagine but as far from perfect as any man is. I cannot define Him...that would limit Him and His abilities. His fascination with my hips, lips and eyes cause rivulets of arousal to drip from between my thighs. He makes love to me with his words and croons impassioned tunes with His eyes. I feel His hands and know bliss. Even in my most fanciful conceptions I never knew it could be like this. Most times I cannot articulate the sentiments He inspires. It seems like everything I desire to say about Him has already been said. The words I want to use have been taken by someone else...uttered by strange deceitful lips so that now they're unfit when trying to describe what He is to me. The best I can do to relate His traits is play songs by Jill Scott and India Arie. But I must take a stab at it. He makes me dream dreams and think the impossible is possible damn it. He makes me want to simultaneously sink and float...fly sky high and get down and dirty. I want to suck His soul through His dick and let His essence dwell in me forever. Yes, I'm talking about tantric love and Kama Sutric sex. I want Him literally, figuratively, virtually and realistically. I just...I just....damn I just want to have Him, hold Him, get under His skin and make myself at home. I want us to be deeper than friends/lovers, higher than a husband/wife and truer than soul mates. I don't care about the haves and the have nots, the past disappointments or possible future failures...I just want Him. I want Him like I want to breathe my next breath of fresh air.



This is for my black aphrodisiac of a muse, his John Kerry-esque tendencies have me all confused....body of a god and fickle heart of a man, it's all I can stand to not shout his name from the rooftops and carve his heart encased name in trees. He has the kind of good stuff that makes me want to spend the rest of my life on my knees. If he says the word it's his exclusively.

Divine Speech (Originally posted July 9, 2005)

With my words...
I could speak your scent into existence
Invoke your presence and...
Dwell in your unspoken thoughts
Words, like milk and honey, dripped enticingly into your ear....
Barely audible but felt soul deep
That's Divine Speech

The Sermon (Originally posted July 9, 2005)

Midnight
I hear the rain and mouth your name
My full lips come to rest on the last syllable of the only heaven I know...
Your name
Behind my closed lids I invoke your image
Your smile has been seared into my subconscious
I contemplate the contours of your structure with my mind's eye
Your temple is sacred to me
I whisper my petitions along your holy halls and you gladly grant my requests....with fervor
I feel you...everywhere
My fingers become yours...
Exploring...
Delving into the dips and curves of my prone form
Who can appreciate me like you and I can?
You devour my giggles and grunts with equal relish
And afterwards...
We lay satiated on Egyptian cotton sheets outside under the knowing eyes of the universe...
We plot our lives in the constellations

Nothing Special (Denial) (Originally posted July 9, 2005)

You are nothing special
Though my heart races at the thought of you...
Though being in close proximity to you makes me weak...
You are nothing special
I am simultaneously attracted and repelled by you
Your voice pacifies me but your mild contempt for my views alienates me, riles me and inspires in me the need to debate until I'm blue in the face
But...you are nothing special
Though thoughts of you keep sleep at bay during the long nights...
Though we can speak on nothing at all for hours on end...
You are nothing special
Remembrances of you and how you touched me mind, body and spirit eradicate all others from my subconscious
You have seduced me senseless with your intellect...your very presence leaves me breathless
Still...
You are nothing special
I slept with my nose pressed into the sheets we fucked upon for two nights after your departure
The mattress was soaked through with our sweat
Our perspiration commingled with your cologne, my perfume and the musky funk of spilled cum made drifting off to sleep and dreams of you oh so sweet...
And yet, I continue to make claims that...
You are nothing special

More Random Ramblings (Originally posted July 6, 2005)

His chocolate skin
His tight eyes
His smile...it's like the sunrise
His divine body
His emphatic mind
His laugh...it helps me unwind
Damn I miss him





Resignation. Not a sailboat but a speedboat. Heading into the harbor from the hostile open sea.




Sometimes I am so easily discouraged. I hate that. I hate that I allow people to darken my doorstep with their troubles, insecurities and confusion. I've come too far to turn back yet I'm nowhere near the finish line. I don't want to give up but I know I'm gonna come in dead last. A consolation prize just won't do. I don't want a participant's ribbon, I want the trophy of champions. I'm racing so hard that I'm out of breath and I don't know if I can take another step. I've been left behind so many times I don't even know if I can find my way anymore. Not sure I want to do this anymore. I'm too far behind to even the score, every major muscle is sore, I am fatigued to the very core of my being. Seeing as how I have purged every resource available to me what options have I? Lay down and die? Collapse and cry? Keep running? But why? I tried to pursue the prize, tracked its progress with my eyes and ran until blue turned black skies. Running but not moving....stuck in place. Until the race.....is over.



Yeah very random and all over the place. Today I did nothing at all and that was just fine by me. I've been working late every night for the past 3 weeks and I am beyond tired. On Monday, July 25 my girl gave her two weeks notice. I was sad for me but happy for her. Her new position with a new company will afford her way more opportunity for growth. We discussed the possibility of me succeeding her in her current position but that's one promotion I'll gladly pass on. Too much work, too little pay and too much of a headache. People have problems. That is the revelation of the day. I have problems too, don't get me wrong, but I can admit my shit. I may have made a mistake last night. In the moment it seemed right and good but right now, I'm starting to feel remorseful. Oh well, I can't take it back now. I've felt the strong urge to write all day but because I'm a procrastinator and my thought patterns tend to be rather erratic, I'm just now getting around to it. I was just listening to Supa Love by Jean Grae (my favorite female MC and one of my top favorite songs). If you haven't heard that song you need to hear it. It's about love of course, that elusive stranger. In a conversation with a friend I depicted love as a sinister stalker endeavoring to lead its victims down dark escape-less alleys, where once cornered, the victim shall then be bashed in the skull and then left for dead. I know that's probably an unhealthy and abnormal way to look at love but I've been assaulted one time too many. Funny though, I was just having a chatversation with Tammy earlier today about how I was ready to give myself permission to fall in love. What a difference a few hours make. Now anyone who's well acquainted with me knows that tomorrow I'll be singing a different tune. I'm easily frustrated when I don't get my way in matters of the heart. Which brings me to a good question. How do we love? By that I mean with what part of our being do we love people? Do we love with our hearts, spirits or minds? Do we/should we love with all three? Perhaps we are supposed to love with all three but usually we don't. Perhaps love is incomplete until you can love with your heart, spirit and mind. That's what I'm thinking. Why is it so hard for some people to love? Is it fear? Lack of know how? I sure would like some answers, lol. But then, wouldn't we all? There are times when I can feel my heart shutting down. I feel my spirit becoming less and less receptive to its desire to connect with someone. I am so comfortable with my own company now that being with someone is no longer a deep desire. It would be nice to be with someone though because I have the sex drive of a pack of wild bitches in heat, lol. But sex should not be the primary reason for desiring a relationship. I know the tone of this blog is somewhat pessimistic but in truth, I remain hopeful that someday a man will enter my life with much fanfare and remind me how good reciprocal love truly is. Until then, I'll vent my frustrations so I don't become the dreaded BBW (bitter black woman).

Untitled (Originally posted June 22, 2005)

If you know Why The Caged Bird Sings and your Eyes Are Watching GOD, meet me in The Killing Fields that we may pick Strange Fruit. Let us climb the Rough Side Of The Mountain together and roast like Raisins In The Sun. I know 2000 Seasons have passed and still we are Waiting To Exhale, but I am convinced we shall Thirst No More. I have witnessed your transformation from a Black Boy to a Manchild In The Promised Land and you aided me in becoming a Phenomenal Woman. I know you have suffered through the Coldest Winter Ever, I was there with you….my Soul On Ice. You and I are both Outkasts searching for our Roots but one day This Too Shall Pass. No more will black Men Cry in the Dark....instead they will Cry Freedom.

I'm an Afrikan! (Originally posted June 22, 2005)

Ghana West Africa, the home of my spirit/i`ve drawn sneers and jeers when i confess i`ve never been near it/must i trace my lineage to prove my Afrikan worth?/bob marley`s spiritual home is Ethiopia though Jamaica saw his birth/i claim no royal Afrikan birthright, i have no idea if my ancient kin sat on thrones/i do know this though, Africa is in my blood and bones/my heritage was stolen from me but i`m fighting to gain it back/i don`t claim negro as my race and my ethnic category isn`t black/these are lables placed on me by a society that ignores my legacy/ameriKKKa is a bloated wh*re like a woman in her last month of pregnancy/a nation of greedy political gluts/ sucking off the natural resources of other countries like back alley sl*ts/some will say ameriKKKa love it or leave it/but i`m staying right here where my ancestors died to conceive it/this land is tilled with the blood of more than my people you know/consider if you will the chinese, mexicans and the native dwellers who were forced to come and go/but it doesn`t stop there, the colonization is worldwide/ameriKKKa has its long greedy fingers in many foreign pies/do some research and you`ll find some interesting facts/ameriKKKa is f*cking over the world like prostitutes on their backs......

I'm a fool...(Originally posted June 18, 2005)

So not only did I write this for "O", I also recited it at the open mic night I frequent. He was speechless when he finally heard it...


I'm sitting at my desk thinking about this love of mine/he's captured my heart and he stays on my mind/I wish I could find...a way to break free/he's mastering the art of enslaving me/too bad I can't develop some bravery....and just walk away/needless to say, I stay, his feelings are neither black or white....they're gray/he's unsure but I decided....I love him too much to try and hide it/I confided....in him, revealed my heart and spoke some words/he heard....but did he listen?/I hate when people don't pay attention/no wonder we women feel like we're in a competition....we compete with the agony of men's past failed relationships and emotional defeat/how can I convince him that I won't repeat.....the mistakes they made/why the hell is he so afraid?/didn't I prove I was different when I laid......my heart bare before him?/why must he he compare me to them?/I guess when you swim....with sharks often enough your exterior has to be tough/he needs to cut me some slack though because I've had enough/he’s playing tug-o-war with my affections/while he hides his from my detection/protection....from me is unnecessary/I know love can be scary....but scarier still is life lived in constant fear/I'm here.....so near he can reach out and touch me/I want to be his lifeline....when he feels like he's drowning he can reach out and clutch me/hell he doesn't have to pay all the time, he can go dutch with me/I have his back, I'll ride or die and be his RBG chick/I'll stick....with him through thick and thin/be there when he needs me again and again and again/his lover and his friend/his erection softener/I'll give it to him more often....than her.....and those and them/all the ones that didn't love him....the way he deserved/I've reserved....myself for him/though I could be with many others, my fire and desire rest in him/I'm my best with him....our vibe is so right....we can talk all night....not get any sleep...and still manage to be deep....I weep....at the thought of his lips on my shoulder blade/he is one of the most beautiful creatures God has ever made/his skin is as black as midnight skies/he induces my impassioned cries....when he thrusts his soul in between my thighs/his eyes....I could get lost in their depths.....but one more missed step, and he'll lose me forever/if he can't get it together I'll find someone better....

Love Scene...(Originally posted Friday, May 27, 2005)

I have a scenario playing in my head......








You and I are standing in front of a closed door




You turn and gaze at me with questions in your eyes

Instead of answering I turn from you, put my right hand on the doorknob and slowly turn it

The latch clicks and I push the door open

Before us lies a room swathed in semi-darkness

A large picture window provides a striking view of the black sky speckled with heavenly lights

A beam of cold, white moonlight reveals a large bed encased in red satin sheets




We stand in the doorway transfixed by the sight

Hesitantly you take my hand in yours and lead me inside the room

As we cross the threshold music begins to play

The soft, sensual tune drifts around us easing the tension from our bodies

I walk slowly over to the bed and caress the cool sheets with my trembling hand

Behind me I hear the sound of the door closing and the lock being engaged

You move stealthily across the room until you reach my quivering form

I feel your warm breath on the back of my neck

Your lips graze my bare shoulder and I jolt as if shocked

Your hands stroke me from shoulders to hips and my pulse quickens with anticipation

I close my eyes and bask in the heat of your nearness

I revel at the feel of your tongue on my collarbone

The sensation of your fingers undoing the zipper on the back of my dress elicits a low moan from my parted lips

Slowly and deliberately you push the straps down and off my shoulders

You tug the garment until it falls into a silky black puddle around my ankles

I stand before you wearing nothing more than my black lace thong and high heels

I hear the rustle of fabric as you take off your clothes

I shudder with expectancy

I turn around to confront you and find you completely naked

No longer are your eyes questioning me

You close the gap between us with one step and hungrily embrace me

You lavish my throat and shoulders with soft lingering kisses

I feel your erection pressing insistently against my abdomen...

Random thoughts (Originally posted Tuesday, March 22, 2005)

This piece was inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. For all his wisdom King Solomon still fell victim to folly. He seemed morose, depressed even. Just goes to show you that even the wisest of us make poor choices.

I sup from a bowl of disappointment, whetting my gluttonous appetite for punishment with empty words and broken promises. I drink the bittersweet juice of expectations unfulfilled from the cup of judgment, knowing I shall drown in its misleading depths. I did this. Allegiance misplaced, there is no honor among thieves. Open: naked, bearing all under the pretense of feeling safe. There is no safety among numbers, only a false sense of security. It shan't happen again. Bled of all tenderness, purged of my desire for continuity; I care not. All is as it should be.....as it always has been and as it shall remain. Inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. For all his wisdom King Solomon still fell victim to folly. He seemed morose, depressed even. Just goes to show you that even the wisest of us make poor choices.

My debut!!!! (Originally posted on Friday, March 04, 2005)

Hot damn last night was so exilirating, so freeing, so much damn fun! I'm talking about my first time reciting at this spoken word spot I know of. I practiced all day but the butterflies wouldn't go away and I sounded so robotic that I thought about chickening out. But when I got behind that mic.....man it was like I transformed into a completely new entity....almost like I stepped into a new identity. The crowd disappeared and it was just me and that mic. I spoke into it like it was the love of my life. I have never felt like that before...I felt so powerful and in control. I felt like I'd cast a spell over myself. It was just so damn....I don't know, incredible! I didn't ever want to stop, even after the piece I recited was over I wanted to keep on going. I think I've found my calling, I think I've discovered my true love! Caressing mics with the words poured forth from my windpipes, connecting consonants and verbs spewing them forth as spoken word....damn I want a mic right now so I can just come alive! I feel like I've been reborn! I hope my muse can keep up with my desire to speak, lol.