He gave me the shirt off his back...literally (Originally posted 8-19-05)

He showed up a few hours late and I was pissed. Our time was already short, but because of his tardiness, it was shorter still. My anger partially melted when I opened the door and saw him standing before me with unease knotting his shoulders and sadness etched into his face. He apologized over and over and over again. I played tough cookie and was mildly disinterested in his apologies or sorrow. I was callous but cordial when I invited him in...I wanted him to feel guilty as sin, but secretly, I was so happy to see him. I haven't seen him in almost a month I think. We stood facing each other. Me: stoically silent; him: fidgety and mournful. Since the only air conditioned room in my house is my bedroom, and since the rest of the house is 30 degrees hotter than satan's ass canal, I invited him to the boudoir.

We entered and again stood facing each other. He continued to apologize and took my hands in his, softly caressing my skin. At one point his voice broke and then the tough cookie crumbled. I hemmed and hawed as long as I could, I swear I did! I made him sweat a bit, but shamefully, I didn't last long. I smiled and told him I would forgive him...if he would forgive and forget my past transgressions. He didn't want to...but he did. With all that past we finally embraced.

Ohhhh it was sooo good, so right, so much better than nice...it was perfect. I put my ear to his chest and focused on the rhythm of his heart. At that moment it was beating for me. He held me forever...or so it seemed. Tired of standing, he led me to the bed and sat me on his lap. He hugged me so deep my breath stopped. He touched my lips with his, whispered apologies in my ear and continued to ask my forgiveness. I cannot refuse him. In that moment, I would have given him my spare kidney if he'd asked for it. Then we lay together on the bed and kissed, whispered and enjoyed what little time we had left before he had to go to the airport. I apologized for my past selfish and distant behavior and he forgave me. I nuzzled his neck in an attempt to inhale and forever capture his scent. Not satisfied, I asked if he would give me the shirt off of his back...and he commenced to removing his shirts. He offered both but I only took one...the undershirt; because it was closer to his skin. I inhaled deeply the scent of him. I love the way he smells. He smells like the middle of Spring, the first day of summer, soft June breezes, thunderstorms, the birds singing at dawn, that first spoonful of strawberry sorbet, the laughter of children, the waves lapping at the shore, my favorite jeans, freshly mown grass, the leaves changing colors in Autumn, the first time I recited a poem before a large crowd....he smells like all my many favorite things wrapped up in one aroma. I want to wake up to his scent, fall asleep to his scent, dream about his scent, wrap his scent around my shoulders-breathe-soul deep and never ever lose his scent.


He is getting to me, and I didn't think I could get got again. His smile melts me. He looks so innocent. But he ain't. He's a Scorpio. He studies Tantra and the Kama Sutra. He studies me too. Intently...so intently it makes me fidget and inquire about his thoughts. His answer varies but he usually says something like..."I'm thinking about how wonderful you are", "I'm thinking about how soft your skin is", "I'm thinking about how beautiful you are", etc. But I digress, I kissed his exposed flesh and paid reverence to his imperfect perfection. I was rewarded by his sharp intake of breath and his beautiful voice murmuring my name. He made it sound like a prayer. I enjoy our intimacy without sex. I love our mind sex. I cannot stop thinking about him. He makes me grin big foolish grins. He makes me want to skip and hum nonsense ditties. I feel like a school girl with her first crush, *giggles*

All too soon he had to leave. I missed him before we made it to the front door. I told him so and he didn't want to leave. He didn't leave...right away anyway. He was over a half hour late getting to the airport. After he finally left he called me from the car and we talked as he drove. He promised that we would see each other on Monday. That's an eternity away...but I can make it. He called me several times; his voice gentle each time. I told him he makes me want to be a good girl...as in discontinuing my playgirl ways. He told me there was a time when he thought I cared nothing for him, he thought he was just one of many...lowest man on the totem pole at that. I told him he was my number one draft pick...he didn't find that funny. I confided that I did care for him, deeply in fact. I told him that's one thing he'll never have to question. He caught me off guard when he asked what he should question then. I had to think for a moment. Should he question me? Do I want him to question me? Why would he question me? I emphatically answered that there is nothing in me he should question. He replied, "good". Our conversation ended when he reached the airport to retrieve his cousin. Yes, he was over a half hour late picking his cousin up. But he said it was worth it to spend time with me. I felt bad for his cousin but cheered for me. He called me a little while later to tell me he and his cousin were going to go out on the town and that he would talk to me again soon. Soon won't come soon enough. They're driving to Detroit in a few hours and I won't see him again until Monday. So tonight I will sleep in his shirt remembering how his skin felt against my lips, remembering the cadence of his voice as we conversed...inhaling deeply his scent that smells of all my many favorite things. He gave me the shirt off his back...next I'll ask for his heart.

"Mr. Wonderful" (Originally posted 7-23-05)

I had the most wonderful time with a wonderful man. I will call him "Mr. Wonderful".

We've been hanging out for a few weeks now...he started out as a painkiller for the "O" ache. I like him. He's highly intelligent, sweet, gentlemanly, handsome, a Scorpio, mannerly...so many things to like about him. *Tummy flutters* Rebound? Quite possible. Do I care right now? Not really. He makes me feel good.


So last night, we shared an evening of intimacy without sex or intercourse...it made my spirit soar. At one point in our conversation we spoke on love. How to recognize it, nurture it and keep it. We didn't get as deep as Khalil Gibran, but we did manage to explore fathoms together that otherwise would have gone unchallenged. I told him (as I tell many people) that love and loving are simple to achieve; people make love difficult. A person could fall in love every five minutes if they gave themselves permission to, but they won't and don't. You see, folks are afraid, insecure, selfish, self-centered, etc. Loving requires you to abandon those things (to some extent anyway). Most people can't do that, mainly due to fear. I have no problem loving people and falling in love. Actually, I'm too good at loving people and falling in love. I assume (life hazard, I know) that all people are inherently good and that they have the best intentions. Does that make me extremely optimistic, unrealistic or a naive fool? All three actually, lol. Regardless, I believe there is a tremendous lack of love and loving relationships (of any kind) in the universe.


Getting back to "Mr. Wonderful". So during our conversation (and amidst much caressing, kissing and embracing) he quips that he appreciated me whole heartedly and that he found it very possible to love me. Mind you, we are lying in bed (fully clothed but aroused to the point of critical mass) during this exchange. Though I believe in love and it's power I'm a bit of a skeptic...lust has just as much power too you know. At any rate, his declaration appealed to the romantic in me but it put the skeptic in me on guard. Had we not been in bed in the middle of the night, perhaps I could have believed him with fewer reservations. After all, I'm worthy of love and very lovable. But alas, I am world weary so his words were sweet but just words to me.

In those moments I was so aroused I was ready to throw caution to the wind and rip both our clothes off and take him. But guess what...he wouldn't do it. He said that though the moment seemed ideal, he didn't want either of us to have a shadow of a doubt that sex, was exactly what we both wanted. He went on to say that just like I considered what I had to give to be precious, his body was also a temple and precious...he couldn't just give it on a whim. Well color me stunned...that was definetly a first. A man turning down wet puss from a beautiful mostly ready, willing and able woman? You're thinking what I was thinking right? Dude has hella integrity/morals/values or he's gay. I'm sure it was the former. We didn't have sex (but boy did I want to because I ain't had none in a while). What we did do, was fall asleep in each other's arms after spending the entire evening basking in the glow of one another's company. Regardless of whether he's running game or he's just that decent, I truly did enjoy his company that night and I would do it all again with the same results (no sex). It was one of the most beautiful evenings I've ever had. Intimacy without sex or intercourse.