8 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my eighth offering...



Mood Swing


Occular condensation threatening to fall
Stinging the rim, ruining the kohl liner
Fingers tremble
Phrases dance dizzily along the synapses
Firing
Misfiring
Misaligned
Malignant emotions pouring forth from her subtle spirit
Deeper than oceans
Same sad song sung by pouting ruby lips
Tipping hats to cats that feel most comfortable on hot tin roofs
She's proof that loyalty goes unrewarded
Lavender happy-go-lucky to moody blue could have been avoided
Joy skipped away hand-in-hand with peace and now...
Dis-ease runs amuck
What the fuck?
Switch it up


There will be no more raining on this here parade
Take your tired, wish I wish I wish making ass to those who like playing charades
I'm made of something you can't even handle
I'm a solar storm and you're a fucking candle
Your wick is burning out and so is my patience
Do better or be gone
I'm done

7 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my seventh offering...

The Time Machine

Small device with an illuminated button face

It took me back back back

It vibrated and his picture showed up

I hit the green button and his voice transported me

We've not spoken in a while

Usually, I don't care

Today was different

His voice to my nerves...

Like Mozart's fingers on keys

And only because right now...I'm feeling lonely

Feeling neglected

Feeling horny

But the path to him is brambled and thorny

Pain and shame lie in wait

Ready to accost me

He would cost me my self-respect

So, I check the clock

Make small talk

And leave the reverie right where it belongs

Something in the past

5 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my fifth offering...


Pardon me while I panic


I'm afraid of losing your scent forever
Already I am having a hard time remembering things about you
Things you told me...the sound of your voice
I don't want to lose the images and sounds of you throwing your head back and lauhging boisterously
I so miss your arms around me
I miss your smile and your "don't bullshit me" look
I miss our Thusday night dinners
And you complaining about your job
I miss your long fingers gripping cards during bid whist games
I even miss your drunken rants on wholeliedays
You will miss Courtney and Kari's high school and college graduations
You will miss your great-grandchildren
You will miss all five of your children being together in one room
And I'm panicking
Because we are not on a break
I cannot hop in my car and drive 20 minutes to see you
You will not be telling me you love me and calling me your birthday present
I will celebrate our birthday alone
Pardon me while I panic
I can't accept that you're gone

3 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my third offering...


Fuck love
That bitch ain't nothin' but trouble
She does more damage then Kobe scorin' triple doubles
I gave her a chance and she screwed me everytime
She is to me what words are to mimes
I saw the signs but ignored them...because love is blind right?
Well that bitch never told me I should be like Lionel and use sight beyond sight
But it's cool because I'm through, I won't continue to be love's fool
You can praise that bitch if you want, but you'll end up like me too



This is basic and it sucks and I don't care.

What happened?

That's the question I keep asking myself..."what happened?"

Because something did happen. Something, a big-giant-ominous something came and sat its fat ass right on top of me and squashed me like a bug. It has me feeling some kinda way. Got me second guessing myself. Got me feeling insecure, resentful...fatalistic even. I'm still trying to figure out where it came from...how it all started. I hate this shit. But at the same time...I needed this. See, I have written my best work when I have been mired in misery. Not that I'm miserable right now...I just feel some kind way. I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't seen the sun in days and because I'm still getting over the last vestiges of this terrible cold. Perhaps it's due to the guilt trip my mother tried to levy upon me. But really, it's something I can't quite put my finger on yet. I have the distinct feeling that my life is about to implode. I'm afraid. I prayed about it this morning. I called on everyone...Eshu, Oya, Oshun, Ogun, Obatala, my Egun and Ori. I am so going to need them all very soon. My fingers are trembling as I type this.

Switching tracks....

I got my Blackberry Tour yesterday. It's so totally awesome! I wish it were awesome enough to ease this anxiety. Rats. Can't stop going back to that. I need a hug...and some kisses. And some back strokes and someone murmuring in my ear that everything is going to be okay. "You'll make it through whatever is coming...I know you will because you always do". "I'm here for you if you need me...though I know you're going to be just fine". "Don't worry, I got you". That's what I need right now. But I won't get it. And even though I won't get it...I'll still be just fine. I always am. I've been on my own for a very long time.

Hi, my name is...(Originally posted 7-18-05)

My name is Nicki and I have a problem. It is called Approachingdirtythirtyitis Syndrome. Symptoms include but are not limited to:

Highly overactive libido

Increased dermal sensitivity

Perpertual state of arousal

Heavy breathing

Ravenous sexual appetite

Howling at the moon

Constant self-pleasuring (when not involved in a committed relationship)

Continuous sexual fantasizing

Relentless male crotch watching

Unremitting lip licking

Persistent come hither looks directed at appropriate male population

Etc.



There is no cure, but regular sexual intercourse (regualr being 1-2 times a day everyday) may control some of these symptoms. To learn more about Approachingdirtythirtyitis Syndrome or to make charitable contributions to the Approachingdirtythirtyitis Syndrome Foundation, please contact approachingdirtythirtyitissyndrome.org. Your time, contributions and cooperation are greatly appreciated.

;-)

Random thoughts (Originally posted Tuesday, March 22, 2005)

This piece was inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. For all his wisdom King Solomon still fell victim to folly. He seemed morose, depressed even. Just goes to show you that even the wisest of us make poor choices.

I sup from a bowl of disappointment, whetting my gluttonous appetite for punishment with empty words and broken promises. I drink the bittersweet juice of expectations unfulfilled from the cup of judgment, knowing I shall drown in its misleading depths. I did this. Allegiance misplaced, there is no honor among thieves. Open: naked, bearing all under the pretense of feeling safe. There is no safety among numbers, only a false sense of security. It shan't happen again. Bled of all tenderness, purged of my desire for continuity; I care not. All is as it should be.....as it always has been and as it shall remain. Inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. For all his wisdom King Solomon still fell victim to folly. He seemed morose, depressed even. Just goes to show you that even the wisest of us make poor choices.

Plateau (Originally posted on Thursday, March 17, 2005)

For some reason I'm feeling extra anti-social. I don't answer my phone when people call me, I don't check my voicemail, I don't call people back...I have no idea why either. I just don't want to be bothered. In my solitude I read, write and think. Lately I've lacked purpose, or at least that's how I feel. A part of me knows that this shift is due to my decision to renounce christianity. I see now why religion is so important...it gives people structure, normalcy even. I feel abnormal sometimes. I know I made the right decision, I don't doubt that, I just have to get used to the idea of being free instead of a being a brainwashed religiously zealous zombie.


I feel much like how Neo must have felt when he was unplugged from the Matrix...disillusioned...bewildered.
I have only to continue seeking truth and I know that this "wilderness" time will pass or I will pass from it. Amazingly enough the things I was once passionate about mean very little to me now. I'm beginning to realize (much like King Solomon) that most earthly things that we seek after (other than knowledge and wisdom) are meaningless. Cars, clothes, jewelry, etc...all bullshit. Even romantic relationships, or the pursuit thereof, lack importance. I just don't care about those things anymore. How refreshing.

Just some thoughts....I guess (Originally posted Friday, March 11, 2005)

Today was one of those days where the mercury that monitors my moods went sky high, valley low and somewhere in between. This morning I felt like a queen bitch but such thoughts are absurd, lol. I'm not really mean, I just have a low tolerance for bullshit and I am prone to erratic mood swings (God bless Virgo women). I haven't done any real work all week; isn't that a shame? I've been spending most of my time writing and thinking (not on here though). I'm feeling like a mental midget right now; too much sugar does that to me. I just wanna curl up and go to sleep. I'm horny as hell. I live in a perpetual state of arousal. Damn if the myths about sexual peaks aren't true. I'm tired of masturbating....I wish I was in a relationship so I could have sex every day. Of course I'd need a man who's sex drive is as high as mine, lol.