Lovely Loc Update: 21 Months In!

Happy Monday almost Tuesday everyone! Today I celebrated my 21 month loc anniversary by shooting a loc update vid. Check it out will ya? 








Having locs is a test in patience, as I mentioned in my vid. I have learned so much about myself these past 21 months and my loc journey played a huge part in that. As my locs mature, I mature.Just like my locs are still pretty much immature, I am still immature in some ways. I look forward to continued growth and maturity both inside and out.

Also, as I mentioned in the vid,I don't manipulate my locs much. I haven't retwisted since June of this year, just washing, popping and going. I wash with Giovanni Triple Treat Tea tree Shampoo and I use Oyin Handmade's Greg Juice as a moisturizer. You can get more info on those products by clicking their names. The song playing in my video is Closer by Kings of Leon. You can buy the MP3 by clicking the link.

Thanks for reading/watching :-)


Later loves...

Reinvention...?

I'm going through changes. As always...for a daughter of Oya. I've not been keeping my blog or youtube channel up to date...that will change very soon though. Lately, I am more into fashion, nail polish and makeup than I am into politrix and other "important" musings. I am blossoming into an entirely different creature during this third of my life. It feels different...and good *big smile*


I'm not sure how this journey will conclude, but I am certainly going to enjoy the process. Let the metamorphosis commence!

Divine Speech A.K.A. MDW NTR (Originally posted 4-19-06)

"I can't live simply because I was born, I want to live because I have a dream."

    What is your dream? Are you living or merely surviving? Are you greeting each day with a smile despite the challenges and revelling in the possibilities of triumph? Are you dreading the trials and sulking because your present life doesn't fit your ideal life?  If the latter sounds like you, you need to get your mind right. Going through the fire purifies you, trials and tribulations are springboards that propel you into glorious opportunities for growth. Change your attitude and you can change your life! Always remember that the universe is conspiring with YOUR energy to either bring your dreams to fruition or destroy them. You want change? Speak change into your life! Practice that Divine Speech A.K.A. MDW NTR. Make speaking your dreams into existence an everyday routine like brushing your teeth and washing your face. At night predetermine your tomorrow. Seek alignment with your Ori  (your higher self). You can do this! You don't need help from anyone outside yourself...you can do this on your own. You just have to decide...to do it. Wake up in the morning and say, "Something better than what I possess at this moment in life is now manifesting for my highest good". But don't just speak it...believe it. Know it. Live it. Feel it! Have an image in your head as you speak, feel and know that all of your dreams can and will come true! Mine did and still are. I trust that y'all can and will be happy, prosperous, strong, victorious, surronded by love and walking in light....If I think you can YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU CAN! I love all of y'all! Walk in peace, abundance, light and love. Bless up!

Words are not enough

You ever been so full of joy that tears pricked your lashes and static electricity raced the length of your spine? Have words failed to capture the magnitude of your peace? You ever felt powerful enough to blast your spirit right out of its flesh cage and launch it into the ether? I'm feeling like that today. I'm feeling that words are not nearly enough to describe the sheer wonder and excitement I have for this day. Today feels magical and magnificent. I woke up tired but full of....something.

All I can think is how grateful I am, how thankful I am to be here breathing, being, seeing, doing. I am the hope of my ancestors! Mmm mmm mmm. It. Is. All. Good. Hell, it's all GREAT! Good things are coming my way. All kinds of things. Change is coming...and I'm ready. I don't care what it looks like...don't really care what it feels like, I AM READY! I want CHANGE! I don't want anything to be the same anymore. I am NOT afraid! Maferefun Oya, because the changes have already begun! That's Ogun racing through my blood and clearing a path. Shango is firing me up right now! Ahhh, life is soooooo good! I give thanks!  Maferefun Egungun! Maferefun Eshu! Maferefun Oya! Maferefun Obatala! Maferefun Ogun! Maferefun Sango! Maferefun Ori! Maferefun Olodumare!

Dante Thoughts Part IV...Opening to spirit (Originally posted on 12-18-05)

I feel so good today! I felt good yesterday too. I have put things into perspective and I am comfortable with all that transpired the week before last. My spirit is still deepening. I am still speaking to the soul of the universe...and now it is speaking back.



Monday, December 5th, Dante's spirit visited me. He came because I'd been calling to him. Every time my thoughts strayed to him, every time I said his name aloud, every time I lit a candle for him, every time I laughed at a memory of us together...I was calling out to him. And he answered me. Through sleep and dreams he came to me. The divine brought Dante and I together and spirit connects us. Our spirits will always be connected and as long as I live, Dante lives. That is comforting to me.



The dream I had about Dante made me happy and sad. It was hard for me dreaming that he was alive and well and then waking to his scent and the feel of him near me but knowing that he is gone from this plane of existence. I cried the entire day after I woke from that dream. I cried for the loss of him, I cried for the scent of him and I cried for the feel of him. I kept thinking that he was going to walk into the room and hug me. I kept expecting the phone to ring with his voice on the other end. It was a hard day for me. But I learned something about him and myself that day. I learned that our love is FOREVER. What we have has crossed from one plane of existence to another. I know that I must let go of the bitterness I feel towards his transition. He is always with me, has always been with me and will always be with me. I have but to whisper his name and he is even closer. He loves me still. He loves me so much that when I call on him he visits my dreams. How many can boast that kind of love?



So today I am at peace. I have been smiling and laughing all day. I am again a ray of light. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand why things happen when they do and how they do...but with time, it is always revealed to me. I am grateful for Dante's visitation. It does my heart and soul good to know that he is still thinking of me, loving me and longing to be near me. It comforts me knowing that he will come to me when I call out to him. That's real love...spiritual love...love that goes soul deep and beyond.

A tribute

You are my soulmate...always will be

Because of you I know my worth...because of you others will know my worth

You set the standard for which all will be measured

Your eyes twinkled with intelligence and mercy

Your voice soft but firm

You spoke psalms and poetry

You were and continue to be still water that runs deep

You are no less than spectacular, miraculous, my Alpha/Omega love

I am blessed to have you in the community of my ancestors/egun

You are still loved, still highly regarded, missed by many and forgotten by none

You have changed many lives...you continue to change mine

Thank you Dante

Loving you always,

Nicole

Ase-o!

I Am Becoming (Originally posted 12-16-05)

I'm not yet ready for "Him" because I'm still discovering me. How successful "He" and I will be depends on how well I know me. So I am not looking and I am not holding my breath. I am breathing...deeply. With each exhalation my fears disappear. I am being prepared. I am discovering, cultivating and loving me. I am evolving.



I am becoming

I can feel myself evolving, transitioning, changing

I am not whom I was when I woke up this morning

I can feel the deepening of my soul

I can sense the density of my spirit

I am becoming

I am an ever changing work in progress

Sometimes I regress but such is life

I think more, feel more, overstand more

I am learning to speak to the soul of the universe

I am discovering myself

I am learning to love myself, overstand myself, command myself, accept myself, forgive myself

I am becoming

I am experiencing my awakening

I am learning to accept without expectations

I am building

I am connecting and enjoying being connected

I am overcoming obstacles, forgiving those that have harmed me, blessing instead of cursing

I am becoming

I have peace

At night I can sleep

I am taming my carnal nature and embracing my instincts

I am heeding spirit, conquering fear and channeling harmony

I am loving, living, growing, bestowing upon others the gifts endowed to me by the Creator

I am becoming

I am humble

I am proud

I am learning to be still and discovering the value in silence

I am relinquishing my selfishness, diminishing my ego, increasing my patience

I am becoming

He gave me the shirt off his back...literally (Originally posted 8-19-05)

He showed up a few hours late and I was pissed. Our time was already short, but because of his tardiness, it was shorter still. My anger partially melted when I opened the door and saw him standing before me with unease knotting his shoulders and sadness etched into his face. He apologized over and over and over again. I played tough cookie and was mildly disinterested in his apologies or sorrow. I was callous but cordial when I invited him in...I wanted him to feel guilty as sin, but secretly, I was so happy to see him. I haven't seen him in almost a month I think. We stood facing each other. Me: stoically silent; him: fidgety and mournful. Since the only air conditioned room in my house is my bedroom, and since the rest of the house is 30 degrees hotter than satan's ass canal, I invited him to the boudoir.

We entered and again stood facing each other. He continued to apologize and took my hands in his, softly caressing my skin. At one point his voice broke and then the tough cookie crumbled. I hemmed and hawed as long as I could, I swear I did! I made him sweat a bit, but shamefully, I didn't last long. I smiled and told him I would forgive him...if he would forgive and forget my past transgressions. He didn't want to...but he did. With all that past we finally embraced.

Ohhhh it was sooo good, so right, so much better than nice...it was perfect. I put my ear to his chest and focused on the rhythm of his heart. At that moment it was beating for me. He held me forever...or so it seemed. Tired of standing, he led me to the bed and sat me on his lap. He hugged me so deep my breath stopped. He touched my lips with his, whispered apologies in my ear and continued to ask my forgiveness. I cannot refuse him. In that moment, I would have given him my spare kidney if he'd asked for it. Then we lay together on the bed and kissed, whispered and enjoyed what little time we had left before he had to go to the airport. I apologized for my past selfish and distant behavior and he forgave me. I nuzzled his neck in an attempt to inhale and forever capture his scent. Not satisfied, I asked if he would give me the shirt off of his back...and he commenced to removing his shirts. He offered both but I only took one...the undershirt; because it was closer to his skin. I inhaled deeply the scent of him. I love the way he smells. He smells like the middle of Spring, the first day of summer, soft June breezes, thunderstorms, the birds singing at dawn, that first spoonful of strawberry sorbet, the laughter of children, the waves lapping at the shore, my favorite jeans, freshly mown grass, the leaves changing colors in Autumn, the first time I recited a poem before a large crowd....he smells like all my many favorite things wrapped up in one aroma. I want to wake up to his scent, fall asleep to his scent, dream about his scent, wrap his scent around my shoulders-breathe-soul deep and never ever lose his scent.


He is getting to me, and I didn't think I could get got again. His smile melts me. He looks so innocent. But he ain't. He's a Scorpio. He studies Tantra and the Kama Sutra. He studies me too. Intently...so intently it makes me fidget and inquire about his thoughts. His answer varies but he usually says something like..."I'm thinking about how wonderful you are", "I'm thinking about how soft your skin is", "I'm thinking about how beautiful you are", etc. But I digress, I kissed his exposed flesh and paid reverence to his imperfect perfection. I was rewarded by his sharp intake of breath and his beautiful voice murmuring my name. He made it sound like a prayer. I enjoy our intimacy without sex. I love our mind sex. I cannot stop thinking about him. He makes me grin big foolish grins. He makes me want to skip and hum nonsense ditties. I feel like a school girl with her first crush, *giggles*

All too soon he had to leave. I missed him before we made it to the front door. I told him so and he didn't want to leave. He didn't leave...right away anyway. He was over a half hour late getting to the airport. After he finally left he called me from the car and we talked as he drove. He promised that we would see each other on Monday. That's an eternity away...but I can make it. He called me several times; his voice gentle each time. I told him he makes me want to be a good girl...as in discontinuing my playgirl ways. He told me there was a time when he thought I cared nothing for him, he thought he was just one of many...lowest man on the totem pole at that. I told him he was my number one draft pick...he didn't find that funny. I confided that I did care for him, deeply in fact. I told him that's one thing he'll never have to question. He caught me off guard when he asked what he should question then. I had to think for a moment. Should he question me? Do I want him to question me? Why would he question me? I emphatically answered that there is nothing in me he should question. He replied, "good". Our conversation ended when he reached the airport to retrieve his cousin. Yes, he was over a half hour late picking his cousin up. But he said it was worth it to spend time with me. I felt bad for his cousin but cheered for me. He called me a little while later to tell me he and his cousin were going to go out on the town and that he would talk to me again soon. Soon won't come soon enough. They're driving to Detroit in a few hours and I won't see him again until Monday. So tonight I will sleep in his shirt remembering how his skin felt against my lips, remembering the cadence of his voice as we conversed...inhaling deeply his scent that smells of all my many favorite things. He gave me the shirt off his back...next I'll ask for his heart.

Good Morning! (Originally posted 7-19-05)

I feel great this morning! I slept pretty well, had good dreams and upon awakening I had my ancestors on my mind. I will most definitely be creating my ancestral shrine by weeks end. Though this is my first time mentioning it, building an ancestral shrine is very important to me. More often than not, I have found myself feeling disconnected spiritually (especially since renouncing christianity). I am certain that connecting with my ancestors and allowing them to guide me will bring me some much needed clarity and peace.

Today is going to be a great day...I can feel it.

Sometimes I touch myself...(Originally posted Wednesday, March 30, 2005)

And when I do, I marvel at how good I feel. My skin is soft....I use dove moisturizing body wash (Lever 2000 after working out) and Johnson's baby lotion afterwards. Skin fragrant, tender and smooth.....sometimes I pretend my hands are His. Whose? Him, whomever He is.....you know, the one who will love it like I do....maybe more. I like searching, seeking, touching, exploring, just appreciating the suppleness of my shoulders, neck, arms, thighs, etc. Sometimes I touch myself to the accompaniment of music. I stroke my bare shoulders to the strains of Get Lifted Again by John Legend....on repeat. It makes me feel sexy and desirable. I caress my sides, ribcage and tummy to the sounds of John Coltrane's In a Sentimental Mood....thoughts of moon drenched shores behind my closed eyes. Damn, I'm so soft, can't get over how good I feel. My perfume drifts up to my nostrils when I cross my arms over my chest to caress the back of my neck, shoulders and back. Hmm, what words come to mind....sexy, sensuous, slender, soft, pliable, lush, deep, rich, intense, exciting, illicit, pleasurable, aroused, erotic, moans, taste, exquisite, touch, enjoy, pleasing, gratifying, rub, thrust, penetrate, fulfill, climax, quake, shudder, release.....


Mmm, one of these days my divine mate will manifest and he'll be like the following Talib Kweli song:

Talib] Let me holla at you

[Talib and Bilal] Can I talk to you?(x5)

[Talib] I want you, cuz you make my heart skip the beat that I drum to I want to be the one you run to, when pain confronts you You're everything, sometimes I get nervous when I'm in front you You can hear it in my voice when I ask you if you comfortable Look how love do, I'd practice the Art of War for you like Sun Tzu Come through and arouse you every morning like the sun do If you blackout and collapse I want to help you to come to Notice I haven't yet gotten to what I want from you I want you to come to when I come through and make you shine like the sun do I want you to be the valley for my river to run through You're everything, send your soul through your lips to my heart Sweet music will start I want you to be the muse for my art When people try to rip us apart we got to work to stay together Go through the seasons of love and never change with the weather This is my wish list, what I want not what I need there's a difference These days I'm learning that words got power so I'ma be specific

[Bilal] Can I have a talk with you? Can I make a dream come true? Can I be in love with you? Cuz I would if I could

[Talib] Yeah sunflower You must live in the infinite blackness that exists when I close my eyes I see you when I fall asleep, I see you when I dream

[Bilal] Lil' darlin' Set your soul on fire (lil' darlin') Be your one desire (lil' darlin') Lil' darlin' Can I talk to you? (lil' darlin') Lil' darlin', lil' darlin' Can I talk? (lil' darlin') Can I talk, can I talk, can I? Lil' darlin' (lil' darlin') Can I talk to you? (lil' darlin') Let him talk to you Set your soul on fire


Until then....I'll keep marveling at my own softness, loving myself and acquiring the elemental (knowledge & wisdom). Still pumping that John Legend...this song turns me on. Rest easy y'all.

My debut!!!! (Originally posted on Friday, March 04, 2005)

Hot damn last night was so exilirating, so freeing, so much damn fun! I'm talking about my first time reciting at this spoken word spot I know of. I practiced all day but the butterflies wouldn't go away and I sounded so robotic that I thought about chickening out. But when I got behind that mic.....man it was like I transformed into a completely new entity....almost like I stepped into a new identity. The crowd disappeared and it was just me and that mic. I spoke into it like it was the love of my life. I have never felt like that before...I felt so powerful and in control. I felt like I'd cast a spell over myself. It was just so damn....I don't know, incredible! I didn't ever want to stop, even after the piece I recited was over I wanted to keep on going. I think I've found my calling, I think I've discovered my true love! Caressing mics with the words poured forth from my windpipes, connecting consonants and verbs spewing them forth as spoken word....damn I want a mic right now so I can just come alive! I feel like I've been reborn! I hope my muse can keep up with my desire to speak, lol.

Random stuff (Originally posted on Thursday, March 03, 2005)

I feel like a million bucks...damn I want to be spent, lol. Today is just an E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T day!!!! It's 5:30 PM and the sun is still out, there's only a hint of chill in the air and my belly is full of good food and cold water, lol. Tonight I'm going to recite a piece at this spoken word spot....I'm kinda nervous because I'm a virgin to it, usually I just listen. My guy Derrick is gonna be there. I can't wait to see him, I've missed him. I'll write more after the event. Ciao!