Post Turkey Day...gobble gobble :-)

Greetings Dashing Divas, Fabulous Fashionistas & Stunning Styleistas! How was your Turkey Day? Mine was pretty damn good, I have not one complaint :-)


Well, the weather sucked, but hey, that's to be expected in Chicago around this time of the year. Speaking of which...Autumn is awesome! Despite the ever darkening Chicago skies, intermittent rain and dropping temps, I love Autumn. The trees are blazingly beautiful, fall fashion is in high gear and everyone and their momma is having a sale. A nice bonus is that this second to last quarter of the year is filled with good eating :-)

Since I haven't posted anything since last Tuesday, I'm going to catch you up on my Turkey Day haps.

On Wednesday, 11-24-10, my Sun, daughter and I took the train out to my grandparent's place in the far south suburbs. I decided to go out there early because I knew this Turkey Day was going to be especially difficult on her. With the passing of my mother and brother, my ill grandfather, and my younger sister declaring war on the family, I knew my grandmother's stress levels would be high and that she'd need the extra help. I'm glad my seeds and I could lend her a helping hand. I wasn't very glad to be on the train though...but you can't tell...

The children were tired, cold, bored and cranky. I was good though. Music will do that to you :-)

When we got to the house, we rested for a few and played with the demon dog... 

After catching our breath we worked until we were ready to pass out. I pretty much did. Thank my daughter for the picture, lol...

The next day, we got up and did more housework and food prep. By 2PM, family members started arriving and the feast was ready to be had. It was a good day with some good eating...

Fried turkey, cornbread dressing, mac & cheese, greens and mushroom roast beef.

Not shown is the seafood gumbo (I'm allergic), the candy sweets (me no likey), ham (I don't really mess with swine), and the desserts.


I didn't take many pictures because I was too busy feeding my face, lol. Here are a few though...

My baby brother

I used to bottle feed him and change his diapers, lol

My cousin Shara, cousin Malcolm and me

My cousin Kendall and I

My baby brother, Sun and daughter

I almost always wear my Kente print Dashiki on Turkey Day...my way of inserting a bit of culture into an otherwise anti-cultural day. This year our family get together was very subdued. It just wasn't the same with my mother and brother absent. I made sure I placed a plate for them and my egun on my ancestral altar. Well lovelies, that was my Turkey Day...how was yours?

15 of 30

Though I am well past the deadline...still, I keep...going...

Familial

This forever type love that moves through me

From me

To and through you

Beyond us

Somewhere

Up high

On high

Higher than high

Borne of blood

Bone

Tears

Struggle

We gave birth to it

With whispers and screams
Soul to soul
From spirit

From synapses to testes, tongue to womb

Woven on the loom of our ancestors

Brought to fruition in the valley of perdition

But with hope of a new day

Beyond scorched earth

Bittersweet fruit, plump with the juice of perpetuum

Seeded in Elysium

This love

From them to us and back again

We swam through time

Time and time again

Against time

Attempting to take back what was taken

This forever type love

Unshaken

Unshakable

Unbroken

Enduring

From me

To and through you

Beyond us

In our daughter's eyes

And she sees the forever type love

In you

And me

14 of 30

Though I missed the deadline I'm still trucking on...


 Heart of Mercy


I stared into the depths and there saw my self
My reflection infinity
Hypnotized by my burgeoning divinity
Blessed with an affinity for loving the broken and battered
It never mattered that they left me shattered once I healed them and set them free
For me, the act of restoring is an expression of the god I see in them, those and thee
Though low I sink so much higher shall I soar
Wealth of spirit moving within me, heart of mercy adored
And again, I stared into the depths and there saw my self
Unfathomable

5 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my fifth offering...


Pardon me while I panic


I'm afraid of losing your scent forever
Already I am having a hard time remembering things about you
Things you told me...the sound of your voice
I don't want to lose the images and sounds of you throwing your head back and lauhging boisterously
I so miss your arms around me
I miss your smile and your "don't bullshit me" look
I miss our Thusday night dinners
And you complaining about your job
I miss your long fingers gripping cards during bid whist games
I even miss your drunken rants on wholeliedays
You will miss Courtney and Kari's high school and college graduations
You will miss your great-grandchildren
You will miss all five of your children being together in one room
And I'm panicking
Because we are not on a break
I cannot hop in my car and drive 20 minutes to see you
You will not be telling me you love me and calling me your birthday present
I will celebrate our birthday alone
Pardon me while I panic
I can't accept that you're gone

1 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my first offering...

Gone

I really need you

My head and heart are hurting

I can't stop hurting

Grasping hands let go

Warm eyes suddenly go cold

Love lives here no more

Hurt, but not as hurt as Trent Reznor (Originally posted 1-8-06)

I was reading the blog of one of my Sistah Associates and a song was playing. I don't know the name of the song but it reminded me of Hurt by Nine Inch Nails. Hurt is my wallow song. When I'm mad at the world or just feeling sick and tired, I play Hurt and it reminds me that my life is a beautiful struggle and I wouldn't have it any other way. It also serves as a warning not to wallow too long....the blues ain't no joke for some folks. Poor poor tortured Trent Reznor. Here are the lyrics if you're so inclined to read them:



"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feeling disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Although I know that the Universe is conspiring with my energy to manifest things for my highest good, I still get stuck on bullshit sometimes. I am thinking of the disappointments I've experienced over the past few days. I opened myself up to a lot of it by going against my better judgment, but I also realize the world is populated by many low-life ass people. I'm angry, I'm kind of sad, I'm tired, I haven't been sleeping well, I've put on 6 pounds, for the first time in over a month I didn't get a parking space on my block, etc. A whole bunch of insignificant shit is combining to contribute to a fantastically bad mood.

I asked Oya for change and she is handing it to my ass alright. I asked Orunmila for increased intuition...but so far I've not heeded it. I asked Chango and Ogun to protect me from those who would cause me harm...my feelings were hurt this weekend but I'll live. I asked Obatala to make me pure like his white cloth...I've been thinking dirty thoughts all day. I asked my ancestors for guidance...I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I asked Yemaya to shower me with her motherly love and she sent me to a women's worshop (that need was fulfilled). I asked Ochun to send me love...the jury is still out on that request. I know that I have to give these things time to manifest but I've also just realized that I have to work to get them. I have to cultivate myself, listen to my Ori (my higher self), love myself and most importantly be patient. 

I have work to do. Fuck stagnation. Strong language makes me feel stronger.

What happened?

That's the question I keep asking myself..."what happened?"

Because something did happen. Something, a big-giant-ominous something came and sat its fat ass right on top of me and squashed me like a bug. It has me feeling some kinda way. Got me second guessing myself. Got me feeling insecure, resentful...fatalistic even. I'm still trying to figure out where it came from...how it all started. I hate this shit. But at the same time...I needed this. See, I have written my best work when I have been mired in misery. Not that I'm miserable right now...I just feel some kind way. I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't seen the sun in days and because I'm still getting over the last vestiges of this terrible cold. Perhaps it's due to the guilt trip my mother tried to levy upon me. But really, it's something I can't quite put my finger on yet. I have the distinct feeling that my life is about to implode. I'm afraid. I prayed about it this morning. I called on everyone...Eshu, Oya, Oshun, Ogun, Obatala, my Egun and Ori. I am so going to need them all very soon. My fingers are trembling as I type this.

Switching tracks....

I got my Blackberry Tour yesterday. It's so totally awesome! I wish it were awesome enough to ease this anxiety. Rats. Can't stop going back to that. I need a hug...and some kisses. And some back strokes and someone murmuring in my ear that everything is going to be okay. "You'll make it through whatever is coming...I know you will because you always do". "I'm here for you if you need me...though I know you're going to be just fine". "Don't worry, I got you". That's what I need right now. But I won't get it. And even though I won't get it...I'll still be just fine. I always am. I've been on my own for a very long time.

Shrines, dreams & things (Originally posted 7-29-05)

The above image is the Adinkra symbol for Sankofa which means: "return and go get it"

I erected my ancestral shrine on Monday, July 25th. My sleep has been peaceful ever since. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence. Two nights after the shrine had been completed, I had the most incredibly realistic dream about my first soul mate.

In fact, the dream was sooo real, that when I woke up, I expected to see him lying next to me smiling. I was kind of sad when I woke up alone. I mean I know that I will always carry a part of him with me, I know that whenever I want to commune with his spirit I can approach the shrine but....it isn't the same. At any rate, even though he is not one of my ancestors, I revere him on my shrine because he was such an important figure in my life. He passed away back in February 2001. I don't remember too many details about the dream but I do know that we were riding bikes downtown Chicago and laughing and talking. When he was alive we spent a lot of time exploring the city together and just talking. He was an incredible person. I miss him so much that at times it's unbearable. I compare every man I date to him. Not in an unfair way or anything like that, just in a; "DE" was the definition of a man, is this dude a real man kinda way. Because of "DE" I know what I deserve, I know how I should be treated, I know what to accept or deny. Because of the dream, I made sure that I spent some time with him at the shrine before I left for work that morning. I told him I missed him terribly and that any time he wanted to visit me, whether I was awake or sleeping, he was more than welcome. I had that dream Wednesday, July 27. I've not dreamed of him again so far. My next plan of action is to erect my shrine to the Orishas/Lwas. I have no idea where I'm going to put it though, there isn't enough room in my bedroom and it's supposed to be someplace private. I'm sure most of the folks who will read this will have no idea what I'm talking about.

Good Morning! (Originally posted 7-19-05)

I feel great this morning! I slept pretty well, had good dreams and upon awakening I had my ancestors on my mind. I will most definitely be creating my ancestral shrine by weeks end. Though this is my first time mentioning it, building an ancestral shrine is very important to me. More often than not, I have found myself feeling disconnected spiritually (especially since renouncing christianity). I am certain that connecting with my ancestors and allowing them to guide me will bring me some much needed clarity and peace.

Today is going to be a great day...I can feel it.