Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Even her tears cry (Originally posted 8-1-05)




Bittersweet salty confections

Conceived, nurtured and born in the face of a beautiful monster

Frightening creature is she; done in by self-imposed limitations and her own perceived inadequacies

She breathes tragedies, her pores expel the stench of her own personal hell

Wrists bearing the marks of her desperation

She feels she's failed and cannot forgive her own transgressions

She thinks she's exhibiting discretion by isolating herself, so afraid that the crowd will guess her secrets

She hides the pain behind plastic smiles and artificial giggles

But even her laughter hides tears that cry

She's so convinced by her own lies that truth could bite her and she'd not feel the sting

Her fingers curl in upon themselves as she mutters silent prayers to deities unknown to her

She wants to save her own life but can't decide if the fight is worth the reward

False pride and counterfeit self-esteem are her banners

All this because he lived and died on the same day

His tears cried too



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This piece was inspired by a woman I love more than life itself. I so wish I could take away her pain, her desire to self-destruct. When I was young I wanted to be just like her. Hell I wanted to be her. I thought she was prettier, smarter, better than me. But she is just a woman. Just an average woman with an average woman's fears, nightmares and insecurities. She lost something precious and it drove her to the edge. So now she stands with her toes clutching the rim of a great precipice, arms out, ready to fling herself into the abyss. I want to save her but I don't know how. I want to love her but she won't let me. I wish she would love herself a little more but I don't think she knows how. My tears cry too. For her and my lost nephew.

2 comments:

Toya said...

This piece was exquisitely beautiful. Felt the emotions behind the words. Thank you for sharing.

BeingStill said...

Thanks sis, I'm glad the piece did what it was supposed to...