Words are not enough

You ever been so full of joy that tears pricked your lashes and static electricity raced the length of your spine? Have words failed to capture the magnitude of your peace? You ever felt powerful enough to blast your spirit right out of its flesh cage and launch it into the ether? I'm feeling like that today. I'm feeling that words are not nearly enough to describe the sheer wonder and excitement I have for this day. Today feels magical and magnificent. I woke up tired but full of....something.

All I can think is how grateful I am, how thankful I am to be here breathing, being, seeing, doing. I am the hope of my ancestors! Mmm mmm mmm. It. Is. All. Good. Hell, it's all GREAT! Good things are coming my way. All kinds of things. Change is coming...and I'm ready. I don't care what it looks like...don't really care what it feels like, I AM READY! I want CHANGE! I don't want anything to be the same anymore. I am NOT afraid! Maferefun Oya, because the changes have already begun! That's Ogun racing through my blood and clearing a path. Shango is firing me up right now! Ahhh, life is soooooo good! I give thanks!  Maferefun Egungun! Maferefun Eshu! Maferefun Oya! Maferefun Obatala! Maferefun Ogun! Maferefun Sango! Maferefun Ori! Maferefun Olodumare!

What happened?

That's the question I keep asking myself..."what happened?"

Because something did happen. Something, a big-giant-ominous something came and sat its fat ass right on top of me and squashed me like a bug. It has me feeling some kinda way. Got me second guessing myself. Got me feeling insecure, resentful...fatalistic even. I'm still trying to figure out where it came from...how it all started. I hate this shit. But at the same time...I needed this. See, I have written my best work when I have been mired in misery. Not that I'm miserable right now...I just feel some kind way. I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't seen the sun in days and because I'm still getting over the last vestiges of this terrible cold. Perhaps it's due to the guilt trip my mother tried to levy upon me. But really, it's something I can't quite put my finger on yet. I have the distinct feeling that my life is about to implode. I'm afraid. I prayed about it this morning. I called on everyone...Eshu, Oya, Oshun, Ogun, Obatala, my Egun and Ori. I am so going to need them all very soon. My fingers are trembling as I type this.

Switching tracks....

I got my Blackberry Tour yesterday. It's so totally awesome! I wish it were awesome enough to ease this anxiety. Rats. Can't stop going back to that. I need a hug...and some kisses. And some back strokes and someone murmuring in my ear that everything is going to be okay. "You'll make it through whatever is coming...I know you will because you always do". "I'm here for you if you need me...though I know you're going to be just fine". "Don't worry, I got you". That's what I need right now. But I won't get it. And even though I won't get it...I'll still be just fine. I always am. I've been on my own for a very long time.