Friday, July 3, 2009

Plateau (Originally posted on Thursday, March 17, 2005)

For some reason I'm feeling extra anti-social. I don't answer my phone when people call me, I don't check my voicemail, I don't call people back...I have no idea why either. I just don't want to be bothered. In my solitude I read, write and think. Lately I've lacked purpose, or at least that's how I feel. A part of me knows that this shift is due to my decision to renounce christianity. I see now why religion is so gives people structure, normalcy even. I feel abnormal sometimes. I know I made the right decision, I don't doubt that, I just have to get used to the idea of being free instead of a being a brainwashed religiously zealous zombie.

I feel much like how Neo must have felt when he was unplugged from the Matrix...disillusioned...bewildered.
I have only to continue seeking truth and I know that this "wilderness" time will pass or I will pass from it. Amazingly enough the things I was once passionate about mean very little to me now. I'm beginning to realize (much like King Solomon) that most earthly things that we seek after (other than knowledge and wisdom) are meaningless. Cars, clothes, jewelry, etc...all bullshit. Even romantic relationships, or the pursuit thereof, lack importance. I just don't care about those things anymore. How refreshing.

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