5 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my fifth offering...


Pardon me while I panic


I'm afraid of losing your scent forever
Already I am having a hard time remembering things about you
Things you told me...the sound of your voice
I don't want to lose the images and sounds of you throwing your head back and lauhging boisterously
I so miss your arms around me
I miss your smile and your "don't bullshit me" look
I miss our Thusday night dinners
And you complaining about your job
I miss your long fingers gripping cards during bid whist games
I even miss your drunken rants on wholeliedays
You will miss Courtney and Kari's high school and college graduations
You will miss your great-grandchildren
You will miss all five of your children being together in one room
And I'm panicking
Because we are not on a break
I cannot hop in my car and drive 20 minutes to see you
You will not be telling me you love me and calling me your birthday present
I will celebrate our birthday alone
Pardon me while I panic
I can't accept that you're gone

4 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my fourth offering...

Once upon a time

You spoke poetry and prose to me

You wove a treasure trove of stories for me

You sang me songs and took me along when you dreamt your dreams

You were mystical and magical

You made me believe we could have something fantastical

But the frog remained a frog after my figurative kiss

The poison apple left the bitterest taste on my lips

Your words became null and void

Promises broken

Attention divided

I can no longer confide in you

I left you a breadcrumb trail to my heart but still...you lost your way

I have tried to meet you more than half way, but you resist

I insist and you flee

How silly of me

End of story

Playing with makeup (1)

So the other day, when I was extremely bored and hiding from my emotions...I put on some makeup and made a video about it. I've been dabbling in makeup application since about March 2009 I believe. I never did it as a child or teen so now in adulthood, I'm trying to get it in. I've not perfected any techniques/looks, I just do what I do after watching tutorials on youtube. Since I'm a veritable novice (and uber frugal) I only buy makeup from drugstores when it's on sale. I have a few high end items, but only because they were free with qualifying purchases of non-makeup items. At any rate, here's my first "look of the day" makeup vid.



The intro...





The feature presentation, lol...

November 26th, 2009

On this WholeLieDay (also known as thanksgiving, bleh) I spent time with my family eating, talking shit and of course...shooting footage. It was a nice day and I put on 10 pounds.

3 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my third offering...


Fuck love
That bitch ain't nothin' but trouble
She does more damage then Kobe scorin' triple doubles
I gave her a chance and she screwed me everytime
She is to me what words are to mimes
I saw the signs but ignored them...because love is blind right?
Well that bitch never told me I should be like Lionel and use sight beyond sight
But it's cool because I'm through, I won't continue to be love's fool
You can praise that bitch if you want, but you'll end up like me too



This is basic and it sucks and I don't care.

2 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my second offering...
 

I'm shutting down for a while

When I get too angry or sad...

I just shut down

I don't want to feel or think

I just want to be

Sometimes I don't even want to be talked to

I'm just through

Through trying to please you, you and you

Through trying not to say the wrong thing

Through feeling too deeply

Through trying to disguise my disgust

I just want to be

Welcome...my new name is apathy

1 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my first offering...

Gone

I really need you

My head and heart are hurting

I can't stop hurting

Grasping hands let go

Warm eyes suddenly go cold

Love lives here no more

Jezebel (including a series of Haiku )

You're only part time
No more than his sideline ho
How's that working out?

When he kisses you
You're tasting me on his lips
Savor my flavor

You're a scavenger
No better than a buzzard
I'm a lioness

You settle for scraps
Delighting in second place
You should kill yourself

Sad sad Jezebel
You try so very hard too
Poor attention whore

When it comes to cheating...I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been the main chick, the mistress and the clueless love blind fool. Most of my dirt was done in my early to mid 20's though. Maturity and karma tend to make you want to do better. Over the past few years I've been running into way too many Jezebels. The Jezebel is a female that preys upon men who are involved and/or men that other women have expressed an interest in. I was once  possessed by the Jezebel spirit. It started when I was 19. Typically, Jezebels are young insecure females who need lots of outside validation. They're usually easy to recognize because they thrive on being the center of attention. You'll find Jezebels sporting provocative clothing, speaking in breathy/whispery voices, accentuating physical attributes that induce males to think about copulating, posting risque pictures on the internet, etc. These methods are often used by the pigeon class of Jezebels. The more sophisticated vulture class of Jezebel is cunning and shrewd. The vulture class Jezebel employs pseudo intellect as well as over-sexualization (seduction) as a method to entrap males. I know...I've done it, so I recognize it when I see it. Sadly, the life of a Jezebel is not a happy one. They are often disappointed because their prey's attention cannot be sustained for long with such tomfoolery. Real relationships cannot be built upon trickery and shallowness.

I recently stumbled into the path of a vulture class Jezebel. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but it was mos def eye opening. This was one of the cleverest and most beguiling ulture Jezebels I'd ever encountered. She peddles her wares under the guise of "consciousness" and sisterhood. How wretched. Thinking her nothing more than what she appeared to be (a warm "conscious" sistah), I began sharing with her about a brotha I was very much interested in. He and I had been building for a while and I was quite smitten and loathe to keep my crush to myself. Big mistake. Shortly after I shared this information with her, the aforementioned brotha told me that she sent him private messages inquiring about the goings on between he and I. I thought that odd seeing as how she could have (nay, should have) asked me. Suspect behavior. Over the next couple weeks I noticed that whenever I mentioned the name of a male she would develop an interest in him. She gave her phone number to someone I once dated and was still very close to, she even reached out to my ex-boyfriend. Cause for concern? Not so much, but it did make me feel some kinda way. What bothered me most was what I perceived as flirty behavior between this vulture Jezebel and the brotha I was building with. I started paying closer attention to this female and noticed she had Jezebel tendencies. I wasn't the only one who noticed either. Since I used to be a Jezebel, I can usually spot them and determine their class. At any rate, I started to dislike this young female. I have no problem with flirting, I do it myself. I do, however, have a problem with females knowingly flirting with men they KNOW their so-called "favorite sistah" is interested in. Not cool. *Sidenote* She once told me about a brotha she was interested in. I scoped him but never said a word to him. I don't clown like that anymore. Since I'm not fond of devious females, I kept my interactions with this young vulture Jezebel at a minimum. Why bother interacting at all you ask? Well despite being a Jezebel, she shared a lot of interesting information with those she was acquainted with. How unfortunate that she hadn't internalized more of the sisterhood ideologies she espoused.

Wrapping it up. This young vulture Jezebel must have noticed that I started keeping her at arm's length (which is what you're supposed to do with snakes) because just a few days ago, she called herself putting me on blast. She claimed (without using my name) that I didn't like her (true), that I hated her (untrue) and that I was jealous of her (untrue). Never once did she acknowledge her devious behavior. Most Jezebels, regardless of class, are unaware that they are in fact Jezebels. They think their deviant behavior is acceptable and inoffensive. They're in for a rude awakening. I know I received mine. So I'm not at all surprised by her self-righteous spiel nor her egotistical outlook. That's typical Jezebel behavior.

In summation, I've learned from this most recent Jezebel encounter to keep my "crushes" to myself. I've also learned that males are just as susceptible to Jezebels today as they were when I was a young Jezebel. I'm still building with that brotha by the way, though he often catches hell from me for encouraging the vulture Jezebel.

That's all I have to say about that.