What a disaster (Originally posted 10-6-05)

That last blog? Fuck it! All those good words wasted on a jackass. Here's what happened when we got together...

He called me Sunday, 10-2-05, at the last minute so we could meet downtown for lunch...on the same day. I was lounging in bed watching football when I got the call. He didn't know where he wanted to meet, didn't know what he wanted to eat and didn't give me an exact time to be there. I jumped out of bed anyway and rushed to get ready...I even wore a short ass skirt because he likes to look at my legs. He gives me a random ass location to meet him and I comply. Now when I get there after speeding and worrying about speeding tickets and trying like crazy to find a park what do you think he says/does? This muhfucka had the nerve to cop a funky attitude! Okay, so I was a little late, but how's about a little gratitude? How's about, I'm glad you made it safely? Something. Nah, this muhfucka is mad. Do you know for the first hour we were together he hardly spoke four complete sentences to me? I'm not known for my patience, actually I'm known for being highly impatient and going off with little provocation, but this day Gandhi and Mother Theresa would have been proud of me.

I wanted to cuss him the fuck out but that's why we stopped speaking before. So I held my tongue and played nice. It didn't matter though because the nicer I was the more of an asshole he became. I was ready to dump my food in his lap by the time the waitress came back with our order. Suffice it to say I never finished lunch. I couldn't choke the food down because of the lump of rage in my throat. So we left. Despite all this I swear I missed him like crazy, I really did. So on the way back to my car I got in what I knew would be a last feel on his ass and a few kisses on those beautiful lips. I squeezed his man titts too, lol, pudgy bastid. He'd put on at least 15 pounds. And that's on top of the 30 extra he was already carrying. What can I say, I like fat boys.



Anyway, he drove me back to my car and as I made to transfer from his automobile to mine I told him I loved him...and I meant it. Though he's a fat fucking asshole and reminds me of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, he's also a sweetheart and we had a great time together in the past. I loved his spirit, our conversations, his ability to deify me, his lips, mind, the way he reacted to my touch, etc. I love him but I can't stand him. Anyway, he smiled and prepared to respond to my declaration of amore but I closed the door on him. I'd had enough. Yesterday (Wednesday, 10-5-05) he called me. It began as a random chat but then he got serious and said we needed to talk. I just laughed. He told me he couldn't get involved with me because his career would suffer (this shit again). This time I stiffled my laugh and told him I certainly didn't want to interfere with his career. He proceeded to tell me how great I was, blah, blah, blah, but I stopped listening after he said career.


I don't know why he felt the need to call me and have this arbitrary conversation, because after the fiasco on Sunday (which was his way of breaking things off), I was done with his ass anyway. He prattled on for another couple minutes and told me that we should remain friends. Not even trying to mask my sarcasm, I said sure, that's cool. I mean really? I had and have no intention of speaking to him again let alone being his damn friend. After we disconnected...again, I immediately deleted all his contact info, pictures, everything. I blocked his e-mail addresses too. This time I don't feel bad. I don't feel too much of anything actually. Is it possible to feel nothing after feeling so much of something for someone you claimed to have loved? I wasn't in love with him but I did love him. Or did I? Shit I don't know. Maybe I just loved how he made me feel. Who cares now anyway. He inspired me to write some good pieces though. I will miss having a muse more than anything. What I won't miss is the game playing.


Other than that....I'm going to Michigan this weekend with a bunch of friends and their kids. It's going to be cold as a witch's tit but I'm looking forward to it. I'm tired of writing now.