Well Friday is drawing to a close...am I relieved? Not sure yet. This has been one of the longest weeks this month but it was very productive so I'm not complaining. I'm in love with my job again. For a while I seemed to be burned out, all the misery and hard luck stories were getting to me, not to mention the ignorant mofo's that were cussing me out. Despite the miserly pay, the long hours and lack of recognition, I love what I do. There is nothing more fulfilling than helping those in need. Interesting observation, this year at least 3 0f my clients are white. Last year Maybe 8 of my clients were white. Only 2 are hispanic this year compared to the 10 hispanic last year. The majority are young, black single mothers. I wish black males would do more for their children...we're in a state of emergency.
At any rate, soon I'll be back to volunteering for the Salvation Army. They usually have one big campaign and two or three small ones during the Autumn/Winter months. I'm looking into volunteering at a soup kitchen called Soup at Six also. Volunteer work makes me feel better because it takes the focus off my personal miseries and failures. Like the whole "Mr. Wonderful" fiasco. As it turns out, he wasn't so wonderful after all. In my weaker moments I think about his scent, smile and the way he touched me....then I remember he's a fucking asshole. Okay, it wasn't all him, but it was mostly him. I recognize my faults though. I'm selfish, self-absorbed, self-involved, vain, temperamental, impatient, arrogant, mean, insecure, defensive, cynical, cold, calculating, prideful, anal, etc. I acknowledge my shortcomings though and vow to rectify them all...eventually. On the other hand I can be loving, gentle, sweet, humorous, thoughtful, gracious, humble, generous, selfless, compassionate, etc. A complete contradiction right? I know. My Yahoo ID was aptly chosen. I'm not all bad though. Most of the guys I break up with always tell me that I'm really sweet and kind and that one day some man will count himself lucky to have me. That always makes me laugh. I mean, if all they say is true then why are we breaking up? I already know the answer though. Whatever.
I came across "Mr. Wonderful's" undershirt tonight. The scent of him is still strong...it makes me angry and sad to smell it. I really liked this one. Out of all the dudes I'm seeing right now, he was my favorite. Now the thrill I got from dating is gone. Speaking of thrills, "O" called me at 3 this morning. He was drunk as hell and acting silly. He hasn't done that in a while. He was jealous of "Mr. Wonderful". He thinks that I belong to him and he resents the fact that I was so taken with "Mr. Wonderful". I told him he had his chance and now his reign is over. He said, "whatever, I've permanently engraved my name on you, you belong to me". He's funny, lol. Sad, selfish, cowardly man. I love him though. That man still owns prime real estate in my heart...*sigh*
My birthday is swiftly approaching and I'm wondering what I'll do. I'm not excited but I'm not dreading it either. Birthdays lose their meaning after the landmark ages (16, 18, 21, and 25). I plan to have a Dirty 30 party when I turn 30 though. Saturday I'm gonna drive out to South Holland and visit my little sister, niece, nephew and grandparents. It's been a while since I've been out that way. With the cost of gas at $2.86 for regular, I can hardly afford to be driving to damn near Indiana and back all the time. I miss them though. Well I'm gonna wrap this up with one of my favorite pieces. This was a MSN Messenger Keystyle (cyber freestyle) by me and a friend of mine named Qayyim. This brotha is mad deep and dear to my heart. Enjoy!
Duet
AlMalik says:
The GOD rather build with the Chi-Town Queen // than deal with another Gucci Queen with good coochie // feel more satisfied after sharing thoughts with Nik // then sticking a thick chick built to strip shaking 4 tips // emotional revolution // inspirational vision // motivation from the words U be saying
Nicki says:
saying what's in the heart and not in my head bcuz i'm sitting at work thinking about lying in bed, i'd rather be at home being loved from my head to my feet then sitting at my desk looking at print outs of spreadsheets, been so long since i've really been touched and not just felt up, i'm trying to hold out for a man who makes my heart swell up
AlMalik says:
Unbelievable sometimes // how you glisten and shine // so mentally inclined and culturally refined // recognize that our people divine // never content with common content // like me // see-me, I see you challenge western thoughts // create your own path // knowledge of self // and self worth // mentally the earth self fertilized
Nicki says:
fertilized by truth and pruned of lies/i despise those that close their eyes 2 the conspiracy of oppression/instead of learning from the lesson they keep guessing and getting wrong answers/shucking and jiving like black face dancers/they perform 4 payment from those that enslave us/but bling and designer fits can't save us/material possessions don't make us, the hard labor didn't break us/we can't let greed and ignorance take us/we must trust that there's more 4 us/the door is before us, we have but to walk through it/destiny awaits we just have to pursue it
AlMalik says:
Outspoken about the lies so many others afraid to tame // but still maintain a stable mind frame // beyond your physical frame // havent we crossed paths in the past // feel reunited with the heart of my essence // through the pleasure you deliver like the blue fluid from my heart // howd it all start // cant believe you make me wanna share my dreams // make you a franchise player on my team /open with thoughts and feelings like a grand canyon ravine // nahmean // never even seen the Chi-Town Queen in front of me // close enough to hear her breathe // voice remains a mystery // but ya words are soft enough to make a strong enough impact // to pass barriers put up to protect what you so easily touch
Nicki says:
touch and tease my intellect with your verbal caress and inherent respect....of my femininity/your words give life to my spirit in direct relation to your masculinity/we are the most divine of all divinity/our souls entwined from now until infinity.....U and I 4ever building 2gether/traisping through the concrete jungles in fair and stormy weather/freeing other minds and making sick souls better/a 4 page letter cannot explain all the thoughts my brain contains/i'm trying to make this plain and clear as day/i dig U and all U have 2 say/i thought i was the only 1 that thought this way....i'm glad i'm not alone/the way u express yourself makes me feel safe and at home/like a queen on a throne/like i'm your flesh and you're my bone
AlMalik says:
From the Chi to NY // we trade verses like Kanye and Hov, better yet Common and Talib // yeah // back and forth // Mid-West to East Coast // leading the revolution b/c most of our people is savages // rather live for nothing than die for a better life // branded cattle // 400 years to break chains // to replace them with diamond studded hand cuffs // its not enough to leave the hood // Southside, Wild hundreds or Brownsville and Bed-Stuy // our children are the future // which looks dim // when they in and out the prison system
Nicki says:
prison systems systematically attack ours/attract ours with the comfort of structure behind prison bars/the enraged psyches of our afrikan men caged/their manhood disengaged by those afraid of their power/i'm waiting for the day, yes the very hour when afrikans erupt....brimming over like full cups/ready to fight passionately against a system corrupt and hell bent on our destruction and extinction/but our destiny is manifest and calling out for completion...yes let's not rest until we've done our best to reclaim former glory/revoke his-story and invoke our story....we are meant to reign as the gods of this earth/greatness was instilled in us at birth/a lifetime of slavery cannot decrease our worth....we bear treasures untold.....we have but to allow our supremacy to unfold
AlMalik says:
A throne cant hold all the power of your essence // my flesh burns with the fire of desire // to obtain everything my mind cant grab // they stole it, but we must return it // its not a joke or gimmick // history is his story // television still telling lies to our children // desensitizing them to violence and killing // using abortion as genocide wonder why our babies playing with heavy metal // radio stations programming more than responsible
Nicki says:
responsible, unconquerable, with an unquenchable desire to be unstoppable yet steady/these weak fools ain't ready, they overdone like overcooked spaghetti/our seeds will bear fruit and crush their roots, destroy the destroyer that seeks to pollute our air/they try to deciper our serpentine hair and deep science/they try to trick us into compliance with the new world order's aliance...but we see through their deception/our knowledge ingrained since our inception....wisdom hidden beyond their detection/listen to the inflection in my words/my speech takes flight like exotic birds fleeing to freedom beyond this place/landing on the face of god and then being born like lightning in thunder storms/this ain't the norm, it's beyond their understanding/they're the legions of ignorant and we're commanding...like officers of the highest ranks/we bomb them with verbal missiles from mental tanks.
Ha! We're awesome!
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