Long time...again

I have the flu :-(

I'm weak, feverish, dizzy, congested, coughing, sneezing, achy, fatigued and just all around sick. But guess what else?

I have a job! I've actually had the job since the beginning of February, I've just been to crazy busy and tired to blog about it. I also reconciled with the love of my life and my best friend in the whole wide world :-)

We broke up in 2007 but never really gave up on one another, now we're back together and better than ever and I'm happy as a Lark :-D

I would go on but I'm still not recovered from the flu and I have to go back to work tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be back with more sooner than later. Until then, cheerio!

Been a long time

It's been the better part of a year since I've written here. I wish I could say things have gotten better but alas...


Well actually, I suppose my attitude is somewhat better...for the most part I guess. At any rate, I came across the loveliest, lust worthy military inspired Zara coat today while surfing Easy Fashion. Can I just tell you how badly I want this coat? I want it so bad, that I'd be willing to sell my teenage Sun for it. Okay, maybe not that bad, lol. Anyway, would you like to see the lust of my life? Check it below:

Image from Easy Fashion

Might I add that I appreciate the overall styling in this picture. I'm just betting that the sweater underneath this fabulous coat is nice and slouchy and warm just how I like my sweaters to be. A very simple outfit that I am going to do my best to replicate. 




And for those interested in an update:


My skin is even messier now than it was before. Just a horrid wreck of scars, new acne eruptions and overall fugliness. Not sure what's causing all the commotion because I stopped using my Clarisonic ages ago. I may even sell that damn thing, not sure yet.


Still no resolution to my personal injury lawsuit. I've not heard from my shit lawyer or any of her minions in over a month and my feelings wouldn't be hurt if she were...expired somewhere.


I am still unemployed. I had a job offer that seemed stone set, but not so much now. 


I still don't have a car. Walking isn't so bad though because my legs are looking quite nice.


And...well, that's it really. My attitude right now is one of sarcastic cynicism tinged with a tiny bit of cautious optimism. Sounds interesting right? It bloody well is. Oh the language? I'm reading Great Expectations and I've Dickens on the brain. Loves it! Cheerio mates!

Destroy/Create

I'm not very happy right now. Because I'm not very happy I've not been in the mood to blog or upload videos. My face has become my enemy due to the most awful acne I've had since I was in the 7th grade and well through high school. That picture is from a good face day (no foundation, concealer or photoshopping). Sometimes I don't want to leave my bed let alone the house. My fingers should be bloody from all the job applications I've filled out, my brain hurts due to constant stress and worry and my one comfort is keeping my nose deep in books. Oh, and watching mind numbing shit on television. I've nearly driven my children to mental breakdowns with the many lectures I subject them to about the importance of getting an education and becoming entrepreneurs and not work horses for some wage slave driver. Last hired first fired is no joke...especially when unemployment among black women 20 years and older is at 13.4% (roughly). 

Despite my stress and worries, I try to smile. I try to keep a PMA, but that shit doesn't always fly. I find myself throwing pity parties. My losses over the past two years are the confetti. My mother passed in 2009, I was in an awful car accident that cost me my car and job in 2010, I have horrid head/neck/back pains whenever the weather changes, my brother passed in 2010 and here it is a solid year after my car accident and I'm still unemployed and have yet to see justice done concerning the old bat who rammed me twice with her car. Yep, that's pity party confetti. 


After the party, I put a spin on things. I tell myself that I have just undergone what amounts to a physical/spiritual volcanic eruption. Although volcanoes destroy everything in their wake in a hellish fiery molten liquid fury...they also create new land masses. Beautiful black sand beaches have been created by volcanic eruptions. When all has been cooled and calmed down, life springs forth from "the ruin". This is what I tell myself because this is what I have seen on those nature shows on public television. I've also seen it in Encyclopedia Brittanica (back before Google and Wikipedia). I have even seen this in my own life.

I have been laid off 4 times in the past 10 years. I have struggled mightily. I have been rocked to my foundation, brought low, crushed. But somehow...I always bounce back. Granted, in the past, the bounce never took so long as this current upheaval. I suppose that's what's really bothering me. Wondering when this shit will be over and I'll be back on solid ground. It's hard to keep a PMA when you have two growing teens who need tons of food and clothing for their ever growing bodies. Let's not even talk about upcoming college tuition. Sometimes I feel fucked and PMA can't be spoon fed to hungry mouths. But I'm devolving again. This is supposed to be uplifting me.


I read something today that shined a light in my darkness...

"This month I choose to only see positive energy wherever I go. If a problem comes up, I repeatedly say: All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this experience, only good will come. I am safe. By repeating this, I calm down and give the Universe time to fix the situation in the best possible way for all. My life is a joy!" - Louise L. Hay

And I want to know deep down in the primal parts of my soul that this is true. But sometimes I'm not so sure. But that's the pessimist in me right? I need to kill her so the optimistic realist can thrive...right? Yeah. Now I'm going to go don a billowy gossamer gown and flower garland and dance in a beautiful meadow. < end sarcasm >

Sorting it all out and putting the pieces back together

Hi.


Things have been...rough. My brother Bryan passed away Wednesday, October 6, 2010. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride. So much has happened in so little time. I was in a terrible car accident in May, lost my job in June, lost my mother last December, my younger sister has declared war on the entire family and my Sun is losing his ever loving mind. But...I'm okay. I cry, I pray and I carry on. I'm learning how to smile and laugh again. I'm learning how to find joy again. Slowly but surely, I am. I miss my mother and my brother. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that they are gone from this plane of existence. I'm still grieving but I'm also celebrating their lives. I didn't always agree with how my mother and brother lived their lives, but I now realize that they lived life on their own terms. They did things their way. There's much I can learn from them and the way they lived. I am so very glad for the time I had with them. I am so very glad that they are now past all of their pain and suffering. I still miss them...I will miss them for a very long time to come. But as long as I live...they live too. Rest in Power Judith McGee 9-6-56 to 12-7-09. Rest in Power Bryan Keith Roger McGee 9-9-84 to 10-6-10.

Oh September...

Dearest fair maidens, dashing divas and glamorous gals,




This won't be a long post, it's more of an update than anything. My bornday (which I share with my mother) was  September 6th. It was kind of difficult for me because my mother passed away December of 2009. This was the first bornday without her and I have to say, the weeks leading up to our bornday found me crying more often than not. I miss her physical presence terribly. September 7th was my daughter's sweet 16th bornday...yes, I have a 16 year old daughter (and a 15 year old Sun). Despite my emotional state, she had a great day :-)

My best friend in the whole wide world (who just happens to be my ex-boyfriend) helped me, my Sun and my daughter celebrate our borndays. He took us to dinner, had a custom made cake for us, and bought us all very special gifts perfectly suited to our tastes. He has made this the best bornday ever for me, truly he has. I am very blessed and fortunate to have him in my universe because he is just the most wonderful, kindest, most generous and special man I have ever known.

On a sad note, yesterday was my brother Bryan's 26th bornday and he had a stroke in the early morning hours. This is perhaps his 4th or 5th stroke in the past 3 years I believe. He's paralyzed on the right side of his body and cannot speak. I ask that if you are a praying person that you please keep him in yours.


Due to all that's going on right now, I'm afraid I must suspend the give away I had planned for this month. I'm sure you'll all understand. I'm not sure when I'll post again so please bear with me.

Thanks for understanding and thanks in advanced for keeping my brother Bryan in your prayers.

Ooh, eye'm hurt...but my nail polish is cute!

Dearest fair maidens, dashing divas and glamorous gals, how are you? Feeling fab I hope :-)

I've been away for a while (again) but it was not intentional nor fully under my control. I've been trying to edit video footage, jot down blog ideas, organize my loc journey clips/pics and just generally get things post ready (amongst other every day things). Unfortunately, I've run into major snags. My internet was down for a minute, my laptop was acting a monkey, I've been stressed and busy and then on May 21st, I was involved in a car accident...

A charming (dripping with sarcasm) old lady ran a stop sign and hit my passenger side shortly after I left work. The same charming old lady reversed her car, put it back in drive, gave it gas and crashed into me again just because she was angry and felt like it. I wound up in the ER being diagnosed with whiplash and strained/sprained back muscles. Nice right? Yeah. So since then, I've been in constant pain and taking pain killers and muscle relaxers. But it's all good. I'm alive and I still have use of all my limbs...though I can't over exert myself. Pain and discomfort are keeping me awake right now so I figured I'd write this blog...I'm a trooper ;-)

In other news, I scored the awesomest vintage dress on Etsy...

Don't you just love it? I bought it last month and wore it the week after it arrived. It fits like a dream and looks quite lovely with my Mossimo Cognac Pollyann Gladiators seen here. I added some brass jewelry and a golden elastic headband for a real throwback boho look. It worked wonderfully :-D All I have is this here head shot of the finished look:

 I'll take some full body shots the next time I wear the dress. If you're wondering where I got it, you can check out Lady80's Vintage Etsy Shop for cute, reasonable deals on vintage clothing, footwear and accessories.




Now for my current nail polish porn:

I'm wearing Secret Peri-Wink-Le by China Glaze. In this picture it looks like a tropical blue, but in person it really is periwinkle. Depending on the lighting, it either looks very lavender or very blue. I love the color though and the application was pretty smooth (despite the messiness seen here). It was opaque in two coats and I topped it off with a coat of Seche Vite. Well that's it for me dolls, I'm getting very stiff and sleepy. Hopefully I'll be back soon with good news, more nail polish porn and other treats. Until then, ciao bellas!

<3

Been a while...

I must admit, I am not at my best
Since my mentality is overrun with negativity, that's what I manifest
Yes, I confess, I'm a hot ass mess
I'm tired, unhealthy and breaking down from stress

Blah
That was wack
But it's my truth

I just want to be very still and quiet until this hard time passes
I miss my mother
I'm dissatisfied with my job
My children are driving me nuts
I'm pms'ing
And there's more bills than money to pay them

But I'm okay
I have been waking up every day
I can see
Hear
Walk
Talk
And my car still does what it's supposed to

I'm blessed
I am
But I'm also very tired


I've been having very bad headaches and chest pains
I keep most of that news to myself because there's little anyone can do to stop it
I'm not in the best of moods right now
Not in the best head space
That's why I've just been keeping to myself mostly

This is temporary...just like everything else
That is all

Lately...

Lately I've felt as if my words were stuck somewhere inside of me...afraid to come out. I've been spending most of my time in my own head, venturing out every once in a while to shoot sparks, and then I climb back into the safety of my mind. Perhaps it's time to share?

I'm in an odd place right now. I have concerns, but I'm not panicking. There are things I want, but I live in abundance not lack. My seeds challenge me daily, but I'm cool after I count to ten. My job is one of the many levels of hell, but I'm only burning for six hours a day. I eat and sleep very little, but I'm still healthy. All in all...I'm good. That's it for now.

Update... (Originally posted 4-18-09)

1. Today -  I'm PMS'ing so watch out.

2. Last Friday -  DMG and I went to his great aunt's funeral - I wish I'd gotten the chance to know her. From the remembrances everyone shared she seemed like she was an awesome awesome lady. His family is really nice. After the funeral I went to church with him to listen to him play organ. He wound up playing the piano and drums...he's pretty damn good. After that we picked up some food and went home and watched movies until we passed out.

3. Last Saturday - My daughter and I had a girl's only outing so we took in a movie and did a little shopping. We had a really bad moment at Urban Outfitters (racial profiling) but otherwise, it was an okay outing. DMG came by that evening and me, him, Kari, Courtney and my guy Jahi all sat around playing Uno. We had a lot of fun.

4. Last Sunday - DMG had to play organ for an early Easter Sunday service but afterwards we drove to the south burbs and had dinner with my family. They were pretty well behaved with one or two exceptions. They seemed to welcome DMG pretty well...I was ready to reveal claws the minute someone stepped to my man the wrong way though, lol. I'm so protective of him even though he can take care of himself, lol. After dinner with my fam we went to DMG's church for an Easter Sunday evening service.

Whewwwweeeeeeeeeeeee! Let me tell y'all, that was a powerful damn service. I was crying like a baby. I mean I had a real breakthrough that night. As I said before, I don't plan on making some grand return to christianity but I'm open to whatever the Universe has in store for me. After service we went home and watched tv until we passed out.

*******************************************************************************

In summation...

I just cannot articulate how happy I am. This wonderful wonderful man has come into my life and just changed my entire outlook on love and the endless possibilities thereof. He just captured my heart out of nowhere. Sometimes I just want to cry I feel so blessed. This is it y'all. Damn, this was on my vision board you know. If y'all ain't up on vision board you better get your weight up. A large portion of the items I placed on my vision board have come to pass...no bullshit. Anyway, to all my peoples that were cheering for me, consoling me, advising me, loving me and just generally being a friend...I love y'all and I put that on everything. Peace, abundance, light and love to all y'all!