9 of 30

I recently accepted a challenge created by one of my twitter friends called 30 in 30. The idea is to write/post a new poem every day for 30 days. This promises to be very interesting for me seeing as how I've been going through some personal struggles as of late. At any rate, here's my ninth offering...



The Soft Place

Caught up between his rock and my soft place
We inhabit a space created by love's first kiss
His face peeks at me from between my thighs
His eyes find mine and he licks his lips
His fingers dance on the soft undersides of my knees
His hands pull my body closer...closer...and still closer
My gripping fingers give the linens a squeeze
His talented tongue rapidly races over my honeyed hive
My pretty mouth forms a perfect O
Every nerve ending feels alive
Deeper and deeper he digs and I push closer and closer to his mouth
He laps and sucks as if his soul is experiencing a drought
I try to run from the inevitable but he gives chase
Holding me firmly, he locks me in place
He changes his pattern, decreases his pace
His fingers tap upon the door and then let themselves inside me
Now his tongue, index and middle conspire to release the floodgates
I writhe and moan...caught up between his rock and my soft place

He's Butta...a work of fiction (Originally posted 3-13-06)

Butta' skin

Soup coola' lips

Your green cat eyes chart visual trails from my lips to my hips

Your fingertips slow drag from the base of my throat to the curve of my shoulders, slowly removing my blouse from over my slim frame

The same hands that evoke passionate tunes from the ebony/ivory keys are about to bring this brown fox to her knees

I can't wait for you to please me with that quick pink tongue

Moist soft dampness on my neck got me feeling sprung from my abstinence trap

You have wrung from my body all manner of hot wetness

In a thousand years I still won't be able to forget this

I'll still want to relive this...over and over and over...

Lest I explode from the sweet agony of anticipation please please appease me with your romancipation

I want our clothes removed fast but slow to the glow of the candles illuminating your room

John Coltrane's tempo makes me swoon as you lick my skin

Just dive on in and swim in me

Consume me, get drunk off me...straight inebriated

Let me taste it...I don't believe in wasting it

My sweetness made sweeter still with your added flavor

I want to savor every moan, every touch from you

I don't know how much I can take from you

But I want you to fill me to overflowing

Sowing your seed to the deepest reaches of my being

Your love loving me so good I think I'm seeing double

Damn I'm in trouble

I never figured you'd put it on me like this, whispering nasty words in my ear as you strum me like your guitar

By far, you are enough for me

Got me singing sweetly like your alto sax while you drip hot wax on my curves

I like how you swerve all up and through my honey places

Both of us making those pre-orgasmic faces as we try to pace ourselves

I run and you give chase, kissing trails of your sugar down my face to the valley where my navel awaits

But wait, no baby, I need you inside me once more

Explore all my deep coves, don't stop until you find my treasure trove

Unlock me,  set free the nasty little demon in me

Fuck me harder but slow

I want to know that you can handle it

Shit, I can't handle it

I

Am

About

To

Explode

That was a keystyle. It was inspired by someone I know, someone I had a several hours long conversation with last night. We didn't talk about sex or anything provocative, no, nothing like that. It was the cadence of his voice.....but mostly me needing to be stroked. I was feeling sexy as we spoke. The room was dark. It was quiet, all except for our voices vollying the conversation. I'm sure he had no idea that I was undressing him in my mind. Tongue bathing him as we laughed about Dave Chapelle's antics. Imagining his lips leaving trails of hot spots from my neck to my calf and back up again. I had to lock my thighs together to try and calm the throbbing in my nether regions. Goddamn it. I'm hornier than a moat full of mutated toads. I am just dying for a good ramming. But I've sworn off sex. No more sex until "he" arrives. I am a prisoner of my own flesh. Tortured daily by my insatiable libido. Just looking at a man's crotch is enough to get me dripping and ready. *Sigh*

C'est la vie

Creeping back slowly...maybe (Originally posted 3-8-06)

Well sorta.


I have nothing in particular to say today so this will just be a blog full of random ramblings. I'm horny. I've not had sex in a while. So long that I can't remember when I last got some. Strangely enough, I'm not as upset about that as I would have been say...four months ago.  I mean I want some but I'd rather have meaningful sex than "I'm horny and any random dick will do" sex. I guess you can say I'm growing up, lol. I've not had a date in a while either. I used to be somewhat of a serial dater. That too has ceased. I don't want to date anymore. I mean I want to...but I don't. I'm not interested in starting over. The thought of having to take the time to get to know new men makes me yawn and feel suddenly tired. I used to be excited about the prospect of meeting new men, for me it was like getting a new toy. Now I'm like a 5 year old a week after Christmas...just not interested. What does that mean? Is this new attitude also indicative of my burgeoning maturity level? Perhaps I've just grown weary of the dating game. Either way it goes, I will remain single for the time being.

In other news, I've grown very fond of bowling. I've gone a few times with my family and had a blast every time. Now in order to be a real bowler, I have to get my own shoes and personalized ball and bag. Oh, and I have to bowl over 85, lol. The last time I went bowling I met this guy...he was kinda young. I told him I was 35 so he would leave me the hell alone. He was undeterred. He was cute but I was not interested...not really. So I gave him my phone number, lol. He called me almost a week later (I hate those damn dating rules/games folks play....but I'm not interested anyway soooo...). I started not to answer because I didn't recognize the number but I did anyway just because I can. We talked for less than 5 minutes and I knew he was not on my level. Nowhere near my level in fact. He asked to see me and I stuttered, stammered and otherwise stalled for time. Why couldn't I just say never like I usually do? A part of me was concerned that I might hurt his feelings or damage his ego. The other part of me couldn't figure out why I gave a damn. I'm used to hurting folks' feelings and damaging egos....with nary a care. Again, this newfound conscientiousness must be a sure sign of my grown and maturity. At any rate, I never gave dude a straight answer (not very mature of me) so he sent me a text message a couple days later. I gave him some line and he seemed to be satisfied because I've not heard from in two days. Maybe I haven't matured as much as I'd like to think.

On to other things. I once had this very very very good friend. We'll call him...Johnny. Johnny and I were down like four flat tires, I mean we were tight. I loved him fa sho, he was my ace. Well Johnny got involved with this woman and I was really really happy for him. I knew he loved her before he would admit it to himself. It made me happy to see him happy. Well after a while things started going awry. Johnny told me things about his ladylove that raised some red flags for me. Though I tried to remain impartial and optimistic for his sake, I quickly got to a point where I could no longer remain silent. First and foremost this young lady failed the test. Yeah "The Test". She didn't reach over and unlock his door (nor open it). I have never failed the test. That's just not something that a woman who is supposedly in love with a man would fail to do. Anyway, Johnny told me some other things about his ladylove that really distressed me and I soon started telling him to kick her to the curb. That was my first mistake...opening my big mouth. Soon after I made the mistake of withdrawing from him when he reached out to me. Yeah, I'm a selfish cad. I was having my own issues at the time and just couldn't see past my own shit. Needless to say, Johnny and I drifted apart. Now over the course of several months Johnny and I got back on speaking terms, we talked, laughed and shot the shit but it was never the same. It soon got to the point where he did most of the calling, he always asked me to hang out, etc. I put forth no effort to "fix us". Now in my own defense I must say that I was dealing with a struggle in my personal life (a 5'11" chocolate poured over steel struggle named "O"). I just didn't prioritize me and Johnny's friendship. I wish I had. Today, largely due to my self-centeredness, Johnny and I don't really speak at all. I miss him and the rapport we used to have. I've tried to repair the damage but alas, I think it is irreparable. I've thus been relegated to the forward list in his e-mail addy book and my calls go unanswered and for the most part unreturned. I can't say I'm surprised, angry or undeserving of this treatment though... because I so am. I sure do miss Johnny though. Damn, I seem to be preoccupied with men don't I, lol? What can I say, the more things change the more they stay the same.

He pretends... (Originally posted 12-19-05)

He pretends he doesn't love me but I know he does. I see right through his charade. He thinks about me so much he can't stand it. He says to me, "you make me sick, I can't stop thinking about you, I don't want you in my head." But in his head I remain. I gave him something other women couldn't: unconditional love. Or perhaps that's my ego speaking? He's a selfish bastard. He's judgmental, egotistical, self-absorbed, spoiled...so much like me. That's why we get along so well. I make him laugh. I make him feel like a man. But I also remind him that he's not nearly man enough. For that he despises me. He loves me and hates me. I find that amusing.

When I was lonely and needed a hug he came to me. It was almost 3 in the morning. I told him that sex was out of the question. Head, even more out of the question. I just needed to be held. He sounded disappointed but was still willing to come and hold me. I asked him if he'd ever had intimacy without sex. He said he'd had intimacy that led to sex. I found that amusing too. He is the only man that I have ever slept with on the first date. I swear I had no intention of doing that, I swear that on everything....but it happened. Here's how it happened......

Our first "date" was almost  a year ago. The late afternoon saw us at ESPN Zone downtown (Chicago). It was a bitterly cold day and The Hawk was screaming around buildings, tearing at our jackets, faces and hands. As we walked he kept his arms around me. He also made sure he walked on the outside...always. Such the perfect gentleman. He smelled HEAVENLY. He looked like 20,000 tons of temptation packed into a 5 foot 11 inch, 179 pound chocolate demi god's frame. Just...yummy. We got our table, ordered our refreshments and proceeded to watch the Colts rip some other team apart. How I love Peyton Manning. He is scientific with it. But I digress. During the course of the game I had 2 double Amaretto Stone Sours. They were horribly watered down so I didn't get buzzed...or did I? Perhaps that contributed to my loose behavior?

The details are kinda fuzzy here...I'm pretty sure he suggested that we go back to his place and watch another game. Since I was in no hurry to leave his presence, I agreed. We went back to his place and got comfy on the couch and that's when the Itis started to set in and I grew drowsy. I recall lying across his lap and I may even have dosed off. He has a huge, comfy, ultrasuede sectional sofa. He stroked my neck. God, his hand felt so good. Me on him, him stroking me, us on that couch, slightly dim lights, very warm...it felt slightly...cocoon-ish. Somehow, despite my semi-coma I became conscious enough to know that I needed to leave. The temptation that I'd felt earlier was back and pounding on my nerve endings, screeching in my loins and tweaking my nipples...something was going to jump off if I didn't dash through that door and quickly. So I jumped to my feet, startling him and stammering out excuses about it being late and me being tired. I needed to leave.

He looked disappointed but didn't try to dissuade me. I shrugged into my jacket as he walked out of the living room. I thought it odd that he wasn't going to walk me to the door but oh well. As I was about to make my way to the door he returned to the room with his hands behind his back and a smile decorating his beautiful lips. Damn, why must he look so good, I thought to myself. He told me he had a surprise for me. I had to close my eyes and touch one of his hands. Whichever hand I touched contained my surprise so I needed to choose wisely. This was fun. I picked the left and he gave me Mos Def's latest cd. From our many talks, he knew I'd been wanting it and I thought it sweet that he remembered. In the hand I hadn't chosen was Talib Qweli's latest. Awwww shucks. I still picked a good one though. I was so pleased that I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. Why did I kiss him on the cheek? That scent, that hard body, that warmth....seduction at its finest. We looked into one another's eyes...I know it sounds cliche, but we did. I was enraptured...he was too. We couldn't look away and our lips  couldn't stay away. They met and from there it was over for me.........


He kept me up and going ALL NIGHT LONG...like that Mary Jane Girls song. Every time I tried to leave he'd pull me back for more. I didn't leave until late the next afternoon...even then he was hesitant to let me go. I didn't want to leave but I knew I should. And I did. From that day forward though, we were almost inseparable.







I've aroused myself by stirring up this pot of memories. I wonder if he'd come tonight if I called him? Probably not. He's vowed not to have sex with me ever again. He says I'm too distracting and it takes too long for him to recover. Truth is, he just can't handle me. Aside from all that...we're just friends. For now.

Hi, my name is...(Originally posted 7-18-05)

My name is Nicki and I have a problem. It is called Approachingdirtythirtyitis Syndrome. Symptoms include but are not limited to:

Highly overactive libido

Increased dermal sensitivity

Perpertual state of arousal

Heavy breathing

Ravenous sexual appetite

Howling at the moon

Constant self-pleasuring (when not involved in a committed relationship)

Continuous sexual fantasizing

Relentless male crotch watching

Unremitting lip licking

Persistent come hither looks directed at appropriate male population

Etc.



There is no cure, but regular sexual intercourse (regualr being 1-2 times a day everyday) may control some of these symptoms. To learn more about Approachingdirtythirtyitis Syndrome or to make charitable contributions to the Approachingdirtythirtyitis Syndrome Foundation, please contact approachingdirtythirtyitissyndrome.org. Your time, contributions and cooperation are greatly appreciated.

;-)

Nothing Special (Denial) (Originally posted July 9, 2005)

You are nothing special
Though my heart races at the thought of you...
Though being in close proximity to you makes me weak...
You are nothing special
I am simultaneously attracted and repelled by you
Your voice pacifies me but your mild contempt for my views alienates me, riles me and inspires in me the need to debate until I'm blue in the face
But...you are nothing special
Though thoughts of you keep sleep at bay during the long nights...
Though we can speak on nothing at all for hours on end...
You are nothing special
Remembrances of you and how you touched me mind, body and spirit eradicate all others from my subconscious
You have seduced me senseless with your intellect...your very presence leaves me breathless
Still...
You are nothing special
I slept with my nose pressed into the sheets we fucked upon for two nights after your departure
The mattress was soaked through with our sweat
Our perspiration commingled with your cologne, my perfume and the musky funk of spilled cum made drifting off to sleep and dreams of you oh so sweet...
And yet, I continue to make claims that...
You are nothing special

Love Scene...(Originally posted Friday, May 27, 2005)

I have a scenario playing in my head......








You and I are standing in front of a closed door




You turn and gaze at me with questions in your eyes

Instead of answering I turn from you, put my right hand on the doorknob and slowly turn it

The latch clicks and I push the door open

Before us lies a room swathed in semi-darkness

A large picture window provides a striking view of the black sky speckled with heavenly lights

A beam of cold, white moonlight reveals a large bed encased in red satin sheets




We stand in the doorway transfixed by the sight

Hesitantly you take my hand in yours and lead me inside the room

As we cross the threshold music begins to play

The soft, sensual tune drifts around us easing the tension from our bodies

I walk slowly over to the bed and caress the cool sheets with my trembling hand

Behind me I hear the sound of the door closing and the lock being engaged

You move stealthily across the room until you reach my quivering form

I feel your warm breath on the back of my neck

Your lips graze my bare shoulder and I jolt as if shocked

Your hands stroke me from shoulders to hips and my pulse quickens with anticipation

I close my eyes and bask in the heat of your nearness

I revel at the feel of your tongue on my collarbone

The sensation of your fingers undoing the zipper on the back of my dress elicits a low moan from my parted lips

Slowly and deliberately you push the straps down and off my shoulders

You tug the garment until it falls into a silky black puddle around my ankles

I stand before you wearing nothing more than my black lace thong and high heels

I hear the rustle of fabric as you take off your clothes

I shudder with expectancy

I turn around to confront you and find you completely naked

No longer are your eyes questioning me

You close the gap between us with one step and hungrily embrace me

You lavish my throat and shoulders with soft lingering kisses

I feel your erection pressing insistently against my abdomen...

Sometimes I touch myself...(Originally posted Wednesday, March 30, 2005)

And when I do, I marvel at how good I feel. My skin is soft....I use dove moisturizing body wash (Lever 2000 after working out) and Johnson's baby lotion afterwards. Skin fragrant, tender and smooth.....sometimes I pretend my hands are His. Whose? Him, whomever He is.....you know, the one who will love it like I do....maybe more. I like searching, seeking, touching, exploring, just appreciating the suppleness of my shoulders, neck, arms, thighs, etc. Sometimes I touch myself to the accompaniment of music. I stroke my bare shoulders to the strains of Get Lifted Again by John Legend....on repeat. It makes me feel sexy and desirable. I caress my sides, ribcage and tummy to the sounds of John Coltrane's In a Sentimental Mood....thoughts of moon drenched shores behind my closed eyes. Damn, I'm so soft, can't get over how good I feel. My perfume drifts up to my nostrils when I cross my arms over my chest to caress the back of my neck, shoulders and back. Hmm, what words come to mind....sexy, sensuous, slender, soft, pliable, lush, deep, rich, intense, exciting, illicit, pleasurable, aroused, erotic, moans, taste, exquisite, touch, enjoy, pleasing, gratifying, rub, thrust, penetrate, fulfill, climax, quake, shudder, release.....


Mmm, one of these days my divine mate will manifest and he'll be like the following Talib Kweli song:

Talib] Let me holla at you

[Talib and Bilal] Can I talk to you?(x5)

[Talib] I want you, cuz you make my heart skip the beat that I drum to I want to be the one you run to, when pain confronts you You're everything, sometimes I get nervous when I'm in front you You can hear it in my voice when I ask you if you comfortable Look how love do, I'd practice the Art of War for you like Sun Tzu Come through and arouse you every morning like the sun do If you blackout and collapse I want to help you to come to Notice I haven't yet gotten to what I want from you I want you to come to when I come through and make you shine like the sun do I want you to be the valley for my river to run through You're everything, send your soul through your lips to my heart Sweet music will start I want you to be the muse for my art When people try to rip us apart we got to work to stay together Go through the seasons of love and never change with the weather This is my wish list, what I want not what I need there's a difference These days I'm learning that words got power so I'ma be specific

[Bilal] Can I have a talk with you? Can I make a dream come true? Can I be in love with you? Cuz I would if I could

[Talib] Yeah sunflower You must live in the infinite blackness that exists when I close my eyes I see you when I fall asleep, I see you when I dream

[Bilal] Lil' darlin' Set your soul on fire (lil' darlin') Be your one desire (lil' darlin') Lil' darlin' Can I talk to you? (lil' darlin') Lil' darlin', lil' darlin' Can I talk? (lil' darlin') Can I talk, can I talk, can I? Lil' darlin' (lil' darlin') Can I talk to you? (lil' darlin') Let him talk to you Set your soul on fire


Until then....I'll keep marveling at my own softness, loving myself and acquiring the elemental (knowledge & wisdom). Still pumping that John Legend...this song turns me on. Rest easy y'all.

Just some thoughts....I guess (Originally posted Friday, March 11, 2005)

Today was one of those days where the mercury that monitors my moods went sky high, valley low and somewhere in between. This morning I felt like a queen bitch but such thoughts are absurd, lol. I'm not really mean, I just have a low tolerance for bullshit and I am prone to erratic mood swings (God bless Virgo women). I haven't done any real work all week; isn't that a shame? I've been spending most of my time writing and thinking (not on here though). I'm feeling like a mental midget right now; too much sugar does that to me. I just wanna curl up and go to sleep. I'm horny as hell. I live in a perpetual state of arousal. Damn if the myths about sexual peaks aren't true. I'm tired of masturbating....I wish I was in a relationship so I could have sex every day. Of course I'd need a man who's sex drive is as high as mine, lol.