Good Morning! (Originally posted 7-19-05)

I feel great this morning! I slept pretty well, had good dreams and upon awakening I had my ancestors on my mind. I will most definitely be creating my ancestral shrine by weeks end. Though this is my first time mentioning it, building an ancestral shrine is very important to me. More often than not, I have found myself feeling disconnected spiritually (especially since renouncing christianity). I am certain that connecting with my ancestors and allowing them to guide me will bring me some much needed clarity and peace.

Today is going to be a great day...I can feel it.

Random thoughts (Originally posted Tuesday, March 22, 2005)

This piece was inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. For all his wisdom King Solomon still fell victim to folly. He seemed morose, depressed even. Just goes to show you that even the wisest of us make poor choices.

I sup from a bowl of disappointment, whetting my gluttonous appetite for punishment with empty words and broken promises. I drink the bittersweet juice of expectations unfulfilled from the cup of judgment, knowing I shall drown in its misleading depths. I did this. Allegiance misplaced, there is no honor among thieves. Open: naked, bearing all under the pretense of feeling safe. There is no safety among numbers, only a false sense of security. It shan't happen again. Bled of all tenderness, purged of my desire for continuity; I care not. All is as it should be.....as it always has been and as it shall remain. Inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes. For all his wisdom King Solomon still fell victim to folly. He seemed morose, depressed even. Just goes to show you that even the wisest of us make poor choices.

Plateau (Originally posted on Thursday, March 17, 2005)

For some reason I'm feeling extra anti-social. I don't answer my phone when people call me, I don't check my voicemail, I don't call people back...I have no idea why either. I just don't want to be bothered. In my solitude I read, write and think. Lately I've lacked purpose, or at least that's how I feel. A part of me knows that this shift is due to my decision to renounce christianity. I see now why religion is so important...it gives people structure, normalcy even. I feel abnormal sometimes. I know I made the right decision, I don't doubt that, I just have to get used to the idea of being free instead of a being a brainwashed religiously zealous zombie.


I feel much like how Neo must have felt when he was unplugged from the Matrix...disillusioned...bewildered.
I have only to continue seeking truth and I know that this "wilderness" time will pass or I will pass from it. Amazingly enough the things I was once passionate about mean very little to me now. I'm beginning to realize (much like King Solomon) that most earthly things that we seek after (other than knowledge and wisdom) are meaningless. Cars, clothes, jewelry, etc...all bullshit. Even romantic relationships, or the pursuit thereof, lack importance. I just don't care about those things anymore. How refreshing.